My wife of 15 years joined a gym and started having private fitness sessions with a trainer there; he’s much younger than her, good-looking and in great shape. He must tell her flattering things, because she comes home far more upbeat than when she left.
Before she joined the gym, she was always complaining about being tired from work, or the kids (three, ages 6 to 12), or the housework.
She’s often “too tired” or “too busy” to have sex with me. She’s also been buying workout outfits, and I noticed they were all low-cut styles. She doesn’t wear them with me at home or when we go for walks.
Should I be worried?

- Suspicious

Yes, worry about your marriage… the trainer may be a diversion from it, but the problems were there long before he started flexing his pecs.
YOU need to exercise your emotional muscles, and have a heart-to-heart chat with your wife to probe her no-sex excuses. There are ways to meet her halfway on “too tired, too busy,” and they’re called pitching in.
If you both work, you both share the chores – from clean up to child care. And with two incomes, you can consider outside help such as a cleaning service, and occasional babysitter.
Along with this necessary talk – and some physical help from you at home - give your wife the attention she’s getting from The Body Boy. Compliment her on how she looks, arrange a regular “date” night and do things she and you liked when you first fell in love.

My best friend’s in a new relationship and lost his senses when it comes to finances.
He’s renovated part of his house to accommodate her adolescent daughter, he’s going on expensive trips, and now he’s talking about buying a timeshare in Mexico.
The guy is comfortable but not that wealthy.
He’s already given up a lot of income in supporting his ex-wife and three children who live with her.
Should I sit him down and warn him that he’s going overboard? Isn’t that what a best friend should do, or will it end the friendship?

- He’s Lost It

No, I think you’re the one who’s lost the plot about best friends.
The better way: You appreciate his enthusiasm for the relationship, which makes it easy for him to be open with you, then you ask thoughtful questions that get him thinking for himself.
Rehearse this: “Sounds like you’re having a terrific time. Luckily, you seem to be able to afford all this.”
Remember, it’s a comment to trigger his own assessment, not a judgment from you. There may be factors of which you’re unaware, such as improvements in his income, or contributing amounts for their lifestyle from his new love.
IF, however, he’s amassing huge debt, you’ve opened the door for him to see it, or perhaps even discuss it with you.

My cousin married a rich guy and now only talks about how much they’re spending, where they’re travelling, private schools for her kids, etc. We used to be close but I’m pulling away.
Is she totally self-absorbed or am I just jealous?

- Turned Off

Yes, she’s self-absorbed; and yes, you’re jealous. Family members and friends, too, have varying incomes, which lead to differing choices.
Tell her you want to share what you’re doing, and can’t have a one-sided friendship.
If she doesn’t get it, don’t be jealous; she has money but no sensitivity.

My son, 28, will be visiting for a week with a female friend. He said, “We’re just friends, but we share a bed.”
I babysit three young grandchildren. I’m not comfortable explaining why this “friend” is in their uncle’s bed.
Their mother’s also uncomfortable but doesn’t want to offend the brother she only sees occasionally.

- How to Handle?

Define your standards for your own home: Are you okay with consenting but unattached adults sleeping together there?
If you prefer that your son sleeps on the couch, say so without guilt. (The couple obviously doesn’t lack co-sleeping arrangements most of their time together).
But, if you don’t feel uncomfortable about their sleeping in the same bed, ask your daughter to consider not having the kids sleep over that week.
Note: The youngsters most likely won’t even notice or bring any attitude to the situation, unless you and she bring it to their attention.