I work with several younger, single men, and enjoy their good humour and spirit. They’re so much more open than middle-aged men who are married and fear a friendly woman is coming on to them.
So I laugh with the guys and have lunch with them, and sometimes have a drink with one or more after work. I notice the other women in our workplace looking at me in judgment. The older ones seem to think I’m looking for a toy boy; the younger ones think I’m poaching their territory. None of this is true.
I have a good relationship with my partner, who knows I have these guy friends and that it’s a way of making work more enjoyable.
What should I tell these women who give me the look when I’m with the guys?

- Judged

Widen your good-humour scope. Young men don’t hold an exclusive on laughter and good spirits; some of these women may also be fun-loving people who’d enjoy a lighter atmosphere at work. Perhaps they’re just feeling left out.
Talk to your female co-workers with the same expectation of some mutual interests/easy conversation as you expect from the guys. Invite a few to join your buddies and you for lunch; next time there’s an occasion, like someone’s birthday, help organize a mixed-group response.
So far, it sounds like you’re part of the “judging” going on.

My neighbour’s a great cook, and I am not. She’s from the same background as mine, and she’s always making little comments, like how she never net a woman from our home country who can’t cook. I work full-time and have an hour-long commute home.
Also, I was single until my late 30s and didn’t have to cook for anyone. My husband gets home earlier than me, so either he prepares something simple or we pick up food after I get there.
I appreciate my neighbour’s offerings… she brings over big helpings of traditional dishes she’s made, about once a week. But I don’t appreciate the digs.
How should I respond?

- Awkward Take-Out

Eat heartily, and reciprocate in your own way.
Go beyond the obvious area of her culinary interest, and periodically buy her a gift of something personal – e.g. bath and body lotions, perfume, costume jewellery, etc. She’s a generous woman who likes to do for others, and probably doesn’t give as much time to herself.
Thank her whole-heartedly, without mentioning her comments. Say that not only is her food delicious, so is her consideration of your work schedule and commuting time.
The “digs” (possibly meant to be a joke, since she keeps bringing food), will disappear when you’re both getting something you want.

Every month, my adult daughter starts a fight with me about something. She’s a mother of two youngsters, and working part-time; I try to help by babysitting several times weekly, and making meals when I’m there.
I resent being set upon so regularly. What should I do when she starts up with me?

- Tired Of It

There’s a clue to her monthly outbursts: Her mood may have to do with her menstrual cycle.
The good news is that she can get help for this. Don’t raise the topic in the heat of an argument or it’ll seem you’re blaming her for her cycle. But do tell her that there are medical, naturopathic and/or to nutritional approaches to improve her feeling of well-being,
IF her hormones are playing havoc with her emotions.

The planning for my son’s wedding is heating up, but I only know this from his reports. My future daughter-in-law hasn’t invited me to help choose anything. My son says she’s “got it covered,” because has to fit it all in with her work.
Also, her mother is involved in all the wedding decisions.
How can I let her know I’m hurt without causing in-law trouble?

- Already Anxious

Offer to contribute. Tell your future daughter-in-law how much you’d enjoy lightening her tasks, such as by addressing invitations, or accompanying her to choose flowers, etc. Let her see that your interest is to participate, not take over.
Also, ask your son whether he, and/or the bride and her family had any expectations that you don’t know about. Example: Perhaps whoever’s paying for the wedding has been waiting for your side to offer to pick up some part of the bill.