My beautiful wife of 11 years get irritated whenever I’m around her. I smoke pot, and she can’t stand it; plus I smoke cigarettes, a half-pack daily. I smoke in my car; she hates that my kids smell the second-hand smoke though I don’t smoke in the car when they’re with me, nor do I smoke pot around them. 

My issue with her is that she has no interest in sex, maybe because of the babies. I tried everything to make her happy except to stop smoking pot and cigarettes. I work hard, don’t go out, and don’t drink.

I’m a responsible father and pay all our bills. She lost her job three years ago and works for her brother, which I hate.

It seems like she wants to leave.

- Stuck in Smoke

You’re both making each other miserable: Your smoking ignores your children’s and wife’s (and your own) potential health risks. Her recourse is to punish you (no sex) and escape (leave). 

Wake up and stop this standoff: Spend some of your money for pot and cigarettes on a therapist; hopefully your wife will join you. Rise above the “issues” and try to discuss, with professional guidance, what you want your future to look like. Then, work on some compromises.

Yes, that includes your trying to quit smoking, in favour of keeping your family together and getting your wife back in your bed.

A friend at work has been having a seven-year affair with a married co-worker. We all know this, so does his wife, although he says it’s strictly friendship. 

He and his wife are separated, and in couples’ therapy. But he continues to deny that sex took place.

Do you agree that in order for therapy to work, all the people involved should be totally honest? I’ve repeatedly told him this.

Should someone tell his wife the truth? None of us have anything to lose, we’re not friends of hers, and never will be.

- Onlooker

The people who are NOT involved in the therapy should mind their own business. Your urge to tell “the truth” to his wife is misguided, unkind, and an obvious attempt to bolster your friend’s side of the affair. 

Note to all of you at this gossip-infested workplace: Back off.

I’m engaged to a man who loves me and my unborn child (though he’s not the biological father). But he keeps rushing me and thinks I’m just procrastinating, so he gets all huffy and impatient and blares his mp3 player even though he promised he wouldn’t play that when we’re out together. 

When I ask him to do something small for me (e.g. make me a can of soup) he complains like he’s doing all the work and I NEVER do anything. I can’t really do much since I’m 7 months pregnant and have a severe spine problem called scoliosis and can’t lift anything 15 Lbs. or more.

How can I make it less like it’s my fault I’m pregnant and can’t do too much?

- Too Rushed

If all you two can do is quibble over small stuff, you’re going to have a lot tougher time when the baby arrives. You’re lucky to have him ready to take on your child, and he’s lucky to have the woman he loves, so start doing what you can rather than complain. 

You have a logical explanation for what you cannot do, but, you can prepare ahead to be ready sooner, and you can lift a can of soup.

I’m 14, a student and sat at a lunch table with two of my best girl friends. 

Then I brought one of my guy friends over to sit with us (we have assigned seats that change every semester). One girl doesn’t like him because he once teased her brother. She won’t let him socialize, talk to or look at her.

The hate’s escalating enough that I’m worried that violence may soon be involved.

The other girl is neutral. The guy’s willing to be nice, but my girl friend is hard to budge. Should I just let them fix it on their own?

- Worried Friend

If you truly anticipate violence, speak up to a school official, without blaming either friend alone. One solution would be to have both parties seated elsewhere, and separately. 

However, if you’re exaggerating because you feel in the middle, then leave them to work it out.