My husband has a close work colleague whom he jokingly calls "my office wife." She uses this phrase too, and they both introduce themselves that way when we're at the same functions. Or, he tells stories about his "other wife" even when we're out with our friends. Everyone thinks it's very funny... everyone but me, his wife of eight years.

When we first dated, he said he wanted us to start our family right after we married, so I've been home with our children - three of them now - and haven't worked in my own field for which I studied, these past eight years.

I resent that he gets to have a companion whom he enjoys, and shares personal information with, all day. And that at home, he has little interest in my day which consists of driving kids everywhere, shopping, cooking, and looking after all our daily needs, bills, and schedules.

I know it sounds selfish to not want him to have fun and a supportive friend at work, but did it have to be this attractive woman who's years younger than me? Should I be worried about where their "marriage" can lead, or should I just ignore it?

The Other Wife

Speak up honestly, without blame or suspicion. Tell your husband that you're glad for him that he's happy at work, but you need to also feel that he's happy and engaged in his life with you and the children, when he's home.

Insist that you both figure out how to establish some time alone together on the weekends, plus a regular date night during the week, e.g. when you'd meet him after work sometimes.

Also, tell him it's well worth the cost of a babysitter for these periods of reconnecting away from household chores and children's schedules.

As you two find some time for real conversation, you'll be able to eventually tell him that the "office wife joke" needs updating. YOU are his #1 Wife, and she's his #1 office pal. The difference is huge... and should be.

My wife retired from her part-time job and has taken up yoga in a serious way. She takes a yoga class every day and has also attended yoga weekends, and is now planning to go on a yoga retreat in Bali.

All this takes money and she thinks that since I'm still working, it's okay for these expenses to come out of our budget even though I get no benefit from this. I'm not even allowed to go on the retreat I'm paying for, as a companion.

I have a good income but the unfairness of this bothers me. She never earned as much as me, but she used to be able to pay her own way for her clothes, hairdos, and spending money. What's your take on the imbalance here?

Taken Advantage?

You feel excluded, which is affecting your feelings more than your wallet. Since you haven't taken up yoga yourself, you might ask her about it and consider taking an occasional class, just so you have more in common to talk about (it's great for maintaining flexibility and a stress-buster, too).

Suggest meeting her after her workshop to travel in Bali and environs for a couples' vacation (Hong Kong's only several hours flight away).

If the cost of her yoga pursuits increase, and you find it affecting your finances too much, suggest she consider teaching yoga herself.... but only if you do this as encouragement, not punishment.

I have a problem whenever I travel by airplane... people sitting beside me always start personal conversations, and I get very uncomfortable. But I don't know how to politely say that I don't want to chat. I've tried hiding in a book but whenever any food/drink arrives, is when a seatmate will begin questioning where I'm coming from, my work, even my actual address! Is there a nice way to say, "Leave me alone?"

Private

Bring an audio book and keep your earphones in while eating. That message is pretty clear. Since asking your address shows the other person to be the impolite one, feel free to say, "Sorry, that's not something I want to share." Most people will observe personal-space boundaries if you set them early. A nod of your head is the only response needed to the person's first Hello. Then, keep eyes straight ahead to your book or movie, and/or feign sleep.