After six years of marriage, and a child whom we both adore, my wife didn’t come home one evening and didn’t phone.
Same thing, several days later.
Then, she declared she no longer loved me and didn’t want to be married to me.
I had no idea that this was coming.
She later revealed she had an ongoing affair.
I’m now separated and share custody of my child. I’m doing my best to move forward but I’m finding that most women I talk with have issues with my being separated, my having a child and/or my living 45 minutes from the large city where most women of my religion reside.
I realize it takes a long time to recover from such circumstances and I did suffer greatly initially.
Why do I feel like I’m still being punished further?
All I’m looking for is to meet a nice Jewish girl whom I could get to know and slowly build a long-term, loving and stable relationship.
Where do I begin and what am I doing wrong?

- SLEEPLESS

You’re not being punished; however, feeling sorry for yourself is not likely to attract women interested in getting to know you better.
There are unfortunately many sad ways that people’s previous relationships end. Moving forward means putting your past unhappy experiences behind you.
As for meeting Jewish women, suburbs and smaller cities outside a large urban centre usually have a synagogue or temple, a Jewish community centre and/or other community activities, which draw both women and men for socializing or interest groups.
A single parent group in the area would also have social events for adults and for bringing your child along, where you could meet single moms who’d relate to your current status.
But the more you present yourself as someone who’s been unfairly treated, the more wary women will be of becoming a listening post, and feeling that you’re not ready for a new relationship.
Be open, interested, and take every opportunity to meet new people – not just Jewish women but other women and men who may have a network of people who’ll include The One for you.

During my entire pregnancy, my husband avoided having sex with me for fear of hurting the baby.
I read that it’s normal for some husbands to feel that way. But I also tried to explain and gave him articles that said sex won’t do harm.
I gave birth a couple of months ago. Yet my husband still avoids sex.
Whenever I initiate intimacy, he’ll say “I’m tired,” or "go to sleep.”
I feel hurt and rejected. I don’t think he’s cheating on me and I haven’t caught him into pornography.
Is something wrong going on with us?

- Pushed Away

For some men, there’s discomfort over having sex with a partner who’s now “the mother” figure.
Also, a new mom is naturally preoccupied with her infant and bodily attached through frequent feedings, making some husbands feel distanced from their former physical connection.
Now, you two need to re-bond for the emotional health of all, and for mutual support. Tell him this, in a non-blaming way. Suggest that if he feels too uncomfortable about it, he needs to talk to his doctor or a therapist to get reassured about the safety and the need for resuming sexual relations.
In the meantime, try to create some intimacy time together before sleep time, just cuddling and sharing confidences and supportive chat.

When dining in a restaurant is it proper for the waiter to clear plates as each diner finishes eating or should he wait till all diners are finished?
I don’t like looking at my empty, soiled plate and prefer it be cleared as soon as possible.
Friends have told me this isn’t correct.
What’s the proper etiquette?

- Table Mess

Manners expert Amy Vanderbilt seems to have by-passed this question in the revised Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, so here’s my personal take: Just as people order in restaurants to suit their own taste, so, too, you can call the shots on this one.
Personally, I don’t like to have wait staff interrupting the flow of conversation or giving the impression of rushing those who haven’t finished.
Though I’m a fast eater myself, it’s more considerate to pace yourselves with your companions, and receive the next course or finish together.