We met 20 years ago; his mother visited and ended our four-year relationship. He's from a Muslim background. She couldn't bear his being with a divorced woman with two kids.

Six years later we met again. I was clear that if he wants a family, I'm not the right choice. We bought a house. My boyfriend announced that his mother was coming to visit. I was so scared, I sought counselling.

His brother went bankrupt and also moved in with us. Their mother cried constantly over that, and my not having a baby. My daughter was expecting my first grandchild; his mother said I was laughing at her because I didn't have his child.

I couldn't have a moment alone with my boyfriend. I didn't feel welcome in my own house. I went to visit my ailing mother. I had an affair with an old flame.

My boyfriend found out. I understood that he was hurt but I couldn't stand his verbal abuse. Once again our relationship was broken. He couldn't understand my behaviour, my apologies weren't enough.

I love and miss him terribly but he can't forgive me and said if we continue a relationship it has to be under separate roofs. I've seen him twice, but I felt sad when I had to return to my own place.

Lost

Cheating was more than he can accept; despite the reasons that motivated you to seek an escapist fling, you should've known him well enough to realize the consequences, especially with his family around to influence him.

However, you've shared a long history and attraction, so there's some hope you can reconcile. But it won't come easily or fast. And, there'll always be the attitudes of his relatives, who may not forgive you at all.

Decide if YOU can accept living apart, spending limited time together, no longer connected as equal partners. OR, move on.

My older brother has been supported by my parents more than me, even though he wasted his time at university; he then lived at home free. I haven't been getting similar help as my parents are paying back the loan that paid my brother's way. They have limited income - my mother's disabled - and they even borrow money from my student loan and summer jobs.

They take my brother's side in disagreements and have the biggest parties and gifts for him, now that he's getting married. They're there for me only when he isn't around.

I'm moving away next year for school and seriously considering cutting my ties with my family to avoid being hurt again, or causing a family feud. How can I tell them how hurt I feel without causing an argument or should I just cut my ties?

Second Best

Going away to school is enough of a break from the situation at home, so hold off on formal pronouncements of "cutting ties" that may later feel less needed.

Since your parents have sometimes "been there" for you, they clearly care for you. The support imbalance is partly due to a change in finances; it's unlikely that when they took a loan, they knew it'd later affect what they could provide you. And your mother's disability may be drawing on their finances, too.

Meanwhile, you're managing yourself very well, and should be proud of your growing independence. I'm betting that time and distance will bring positive changes in the relationship. If not, then you can comfortably go your own way.

What's the best way to tell a child about an absent father? Our granddaughter, age nine, and our daughter have been living with us since her birth and she keep's asking about her father. He's only seen her once, at one-month-old. There've been no cards, presents, and no contact. We're at our wit's end about what to tell her.

Worried

Here are the two important messages to get across: 1) It's not her fault and never will be; 2) He wasn't ready nor emotionally capable of behaving as a father.

For yourself, remember this isn't about your feelings towards the guy, or even your daughter's feelings. You want to avoid tapping into any feelings the child has of being "abandoned." Instead, emphasize how much she's loved, that the family unit you all share is devoted, happy, and self-sufficient.

Answer only what she asks...don't embellish with unnecessary facts. And stay consistent in your responses.