My son, 11, has never met his biological father, who left me after I became pregnant. Later, he was convicted of sexual assault on a girl, 13, and is now a registered sex offender.

All the information about him is available on the Internet. My son knows his name, but nothing else about him.

I haven't told my son these facts about his biological father and don't know if, how, or when I should disclose this information. I don't want him to stumble on it by accident on the Internet, but I don't want to hurt him with information that isn't relevant to him.

My husband knows all these facts. He’s my son's father in every way that counts. Neither of us is sure of the right course of action. Your thoughts?

Very Concerned

Your son has a loving family with a strong father figure, so he’s got the best chance for handling this information well, provided you prepare him for it well. And soon!

Not only can he find it on the Internet, but so can others who might tell him about it. And surely there are some people who already know this story.

You and your husband need to talk to a professional therapist about how to introduce the topic. Also, air out how you yourselves feel about the biological father’s contribution to the boy’s genetic background (Worried? Ashamed? Not an issue?).

You’ll then be advised about the best way to present this news without making the boy feel any underlying negative association from his closest people, you two.

And the therapist should be available to him if he wants to talk about it privately.

A friend and I have much in common. I’m 61; he’s 55. But lately, awkwardness has developed between us.

I’m positive, optimistic; he always wants to see the negative, petty side of things. When we’re together, our personalities clash - my sociability and his misanthropy.

Often, if we’re having coffee together, people who know me will want to chat, but my friend can be quite unpleasant.
It’s difficult to cultivate friends at our ages. Also, we’re both family-first individuals. Should I point out our differences to strengthen our friendship, or just accept our casual relationship?

Neither of us is comfortable with criticism and he can be extremely prickly.

Seeking Stronger Friendship

Accept your friend as he is, he’s unlikely to change. Talk about the things you have in common, and avoid debating issues on which you’re bound to disagree.

With “family first,” you’re not lacking support or caring in your life. Different friends engage different interests and stimulate different conversations. Know what you enjoy with this person, and seek him out for that. You understand your areas of disagreement too well to expect more from him.

I like a girl I’ve known for several years. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, who sexually abused her, and raped one of my best friends. He has a court case in January.

She’s trying to get over him but carves his name into her arm. I worry for her safety. I want to protect her. However, we live 20 miles apart and only see each other at college.

My mother doesn't like her and doesn’t know about her ex.

Sticky Situation

Get unstuck. This girl has poor judgment and the best you can do for both of you under the circumstances is urge her strongly to stay safely away from this guy and to also get counselling.

FEEDBACK Regarding the reader's letter about a lack of finances for counselling (August 20):

Reader – “When I was struggling to cope with some issues including family suicide, severe disability, and a traumatizing break up, I went to my family doctor who gave me a referral to a psychiatrist.

“There was no assumption that I would be medicated. It was just talk therapy, free, as OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) was billed per session. I highly recommend that readers consult their family doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist. OHIP covers their services, and medication is not automatically doled out!”

You’re fortunate to live in Canada, which provides a system of free health care, and where the province of Ontario covers referred psychiatric services.

For those who live elsewhere, where it’s not available free, some hospital mental health clinics and community care centres, provide free services or adjust fees to income.