I was married to a "sex addict," who even convinced me to become a swinger. I hated the whole experience. After I separated from this controlling and manipulative individual, I did a lot of soul-searching as to why my sex drive was so "diminished" in comparison to everyone else’s.

I now completely identify with the “Asexual label."

After much research on the subject, I believe there are others who feel the same way. Some may even need or want a romance in their lives BUT NOT NECESSARILY SEX.
I urge anyone who feels this sexual disconnect to look into the possibility.

I no longer have to pretend to be as sexualized as the rest of society; this is who I am and I won't be pushed out of my comfort zone any more.

Asexual and Satisfied

Good for you to have the courage to discover what makes you feel “different” from the pack, and comfortable with it.

For those who wonder, Wikipedia defines asexuality this way: “Asexuality (sometimes referred to as non-sexuality), in its broadest sense, is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or the lack of interest in sex. It may also be considered a lack of a sexual orientation. Some asexual people do engage in sexual activity despite lacking a desire for sex or sexual attraction, due to a variety of reasons, such as a desire to please romantic partners or a desire to have children.^”

Ever since my daughter was small, she’d talk back or dig in her heels to get her way. I haven’t been a perfect parent, either. I still feel guilty about some things.

I divorced when she was young. It was a conflict-filled separation and I lost self-respect. I’ve also been kind of flaky. Nevertheless, I’ve done my best with the help of my new husband to give her guidance and clear direction.

Still, unless prompted, she doesn’t respect hers or others’ belongings, and needs constant reminders to clean up after herself. She’s 14.

Lately, she's sneaking food from the kitchen. When I confronted her, she accused me of calling her fat.

I had a teenage eating disorder and know the warning signs. How can I help her when she won’t listen to anyone or me? Her dad has similar problems with her (we share custody).

I’d like to learn to communicate better with her.

Do I ask her to go to counselling and risk her refusing, or just take her? Would a dietitian be helpful?

Damaged, but Good

Do NOT think of yourself or your daughter as “damaged.” She’s 14, dealing with two households, and the aftermath of a bitter divorce… all a set-up for reactions and rebellion in most young teens.

A dietician can be helpful, if you interest your daughter in food, not in dieting, and avoid lecturing her yourself. Do NOT make her body image and eating habits a power struggle between you two. It’s her issue and she has to want to confront it, which she may not be ready for.

Start with counselling for you. Air out your feelings of guilt and flakiness from the past, then talk about how to parent and communicate with a teenager. Learning to negotiate with her, rather than give commands as to a youngster, is a key factor.

Once you and your husband (and your ex, if possible) agree on how to proceed, you can talk to your daughter about her showing more responsibility, in exchange for some of the freedoms she’ll naturally want.

FEEDBACK Regarding the writer who resents that friends assume she’ll also tip food servers at 15% (August 18):

Reader – “I believe that a tip isn’t obligatory where the service is poor… although every effort should be made to include a tip if the service is reasonable.

“The writer has complicated things, however, in that she’s dining with friends, and says “separate checks aren’t always an option.”

“Her right to refuse to tip in this situation casts her friends in the light of sharing her opinion of the service. (The wait staff can’t distinguish between those who tipped and those who didn’t).

“It’s best that she accept that her dinner will likely cost 15% more than the menu price, even if the service isn’t spectacular.

“She can consider it as a premium she pays to retain the friendship. The alternative is not to go to dinner with these friends.”