I was seeing this woman for five months and everything was perfect. However, her new job has taken her away and we haven’t seen each other for five weeks. 

This “dream job” (her words) will take her to the North and then possibly to Europe. She wants me to follow and I desperately want to, but I own a small business and my children live in this area with their mother. Should I follow her?

Lately, I’ve been going through difficult times missing her yet wondering if I follow her, will I be able to see my kids. I love her very much and I know she loves me although she’s unwilling to make any concessions so it’ll be me doing all the sacrificing.

Do I hope we can re-establish the magic we had before she went off on her adventure or do I call it quits with her? She seems to be okay with it either way.

- Going Crazy

Too soon, too little returned passion – “okay” with having you close… or not… doesn’t make your personal sacrifice worth the risk of having your children feel unloved and abandoned. (This is what young children feel when a parent chooses to leave for very long periods). 

You’re caught up in the exhilarating emotions of being in “early love;” she’s caught up in the exhilarating excitement of her dream job.

Visit her, for a period of two weeks to a month. My guess is she’ll continue to not make concessions about spending a lot of time with you, even when you’re there.

However, if the relationship builds while long-distance, you can re-think the choice in a year’s time - and also plan how to visit your children and have them stay with you during the summers, when they’re out of school.

I recently started a relationship with a man 10 years older than me, which doesn’t bother him or his parents but for some reason his sister doesn’t like me. She started a rumour at our favorite bar - that I’m trying to get pregnant and trap her brother into marriage - and now no one will talk to me there. 

I’ve tried to be nice to her, but she’s been mean and nasty; she also keeps calling me a baby or too young. I’m 23 and she’s 32.

Do I have her brother talk to her or do I do it myself?

- Not Sure

Your guy should already have talked to her, and stopped the rumour by telling his friends of his sincere interest in you… if that’s the case. This “protective” (or jealous) sister will continue to cause trouble until he speaks up. 

Tell him straight up that you expect him to handle this problem, but leave out any unnecessary insults about his sister, since the situation speaks for itself. If he responds that, “he’s caught in the middle,” point out that’s not the case, because you’re leaving him in his sibling’s care, because he’s not ready for a commitment to anyone else.

My new boyfriend loves intense, analytical discussion; I’m interested in his wide knowledge but also like to just have casual chat. 

How can I get him to stop being so serious, when I’m not in the mood?

- Overwhelmed

There has to be compromise, for a relationship to last. But it takes time to appreciate each other’s interests, and accept differences. 

Converse seriously when you’re up for it. When not, say so, gently.

My mother frequently made snide comments that I was my dad’s favourite child. I felt guilty, even though all my dad’s frustrations and negative attentions fell on me. Yet, she resented it. 

When I moved out, she’d still comment, “He loves you the most.” Though now 35, I still feel hurt.

How do I forgive her, forget and move on?

- Carrying baggage

The trick to rising above childhood baggage is to take an adult look at what’s in the suitcase, recognize its source through your greater experience and maturity, then lock it up and keep it stored in the past. 

The negative view was your mother’s problem. You were the innocent target, and had no power to change it. Today, with awareness of your accomplishments that have taken you from that time and place, you can change your reaction.

For help to do so, you can choose to see a therapist.