I’ve been living for 15 years with a man I met at work when we were both married and had an affair. We divorced our ex’es. I have three children; he has one.
Last Christmas, my partner started wearing shirts that he claimed had been hidden at the back of his closet, but I buy all his clothes. He was also using a bottle of aftershave that he said was sitting in his drawer.
This summer, he didn’t ask that I go with him on his sale calls, which he’s usually done, as I’m free then. His hours are flexible and I had a hunch that he was seeing someone and scheduling his day to fit her into it.
I need help to get to the truth but he refused to admit that there was someone else.
I’m concerned that another separation will have an effect on our grown children, all in their 20’s.
I feel there’s another woman in the picture and I know the company she’s working for.
How can I get proof without spending money, to put closure on this insecure feeling that I have?

- Suspicious

Instead of accusing him, speak up about what you’re willing or unwilling to accept, and state your fears for the children and yourself.
Tell him you recognize the signs of an affair or at least a “crush” and you deserve honest answers. State that you know he didn’t “find” new clothes; and his not taking you on his sales trip requires a credible explanation.
Remind him that if he’s putting your relationship at risk, it’ll have an impact on all your adult children, besides that you’re already hurt and stressed.
If he doesn’t reassure you, then I recommend you insist that you both see a counsellor to help you renew trust and security, or for you to weigh your options.

• Look in the Yellow Pages (www.yellowpages.ca) for local community agencies.

The first three years my girlfriend and I dated were great but the past year’s been miserable. We’ve broken up twice, re-connected but are still distant.
She never says she loves me, or asks how I'm doing, and we’re never intimate.
On a recent vacation, she never wanted me to touch her or even converse with her.
She says she wants time with her friends and time alone right now. She still thinks we have a future together.
I love her and want to marry her.
I thought the feeling was mutual, but now I don’t know if she’s cheating on me.
Guys call and text her but she says they’re just friends.
My head tells me to get out but my heart says give her more time.
She’s 26; I'm a couple years older.

- Wasting My Time?

Call for a complete break, with no time limit. Her reaction will give you insight.
Right now, she’s got you hanging on – right there when she crooks her finger but too easily pushed away. It’s no way to “date” or dream of a future together.
Be upfront and honest with her (and point out that she’s less so). You know you’d like to be mutually committed, but you won’t hang around not knowing what she really feels (boredom? not ready?). Tell her you’ll be open to dating others.
Then, do it.
You both need to face up to whether this is just a faded romance.

I’m a university student, diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
I tried drugs, which helped, but the dosage had to keep increasing, with severe side effects.
I tried therapy, but my therapist kept stressing how my condition was very mild compared to others. She made me feel that my problem was insignificant. But it’s a big deal to me.
I’m unsure where to go next, as distance and time for therapy are an issue with my lifestyle.

- Stressed

You can find ways to manage your condition and sooner is better, for any lifestyle.
However, don’t be surprised that the search for treatment can cause anxiety itself. Persevere. It’ll benefit your present and your future.
Your university will likely have counselling services dealing with this problem; or ask for referral to a specialist in cognitive behaviour therapy, which is usually effective.
If the therapist doesn’t “fit” you, state your concerns; or seek another.