My husband of three years is a wonderful husband and father whom I love.  

However, I constantly tell him when I feel that he’s acting inappropriately or saying something that doesn’t make sense. I believe that I do things the best way and that I know everything. Yet I know this is ridiculous and unfair to him.

Though he’ll get upset when I tell him these things, I still feel that as his wife I should tell him what I really think, e.g. if he’s putting something together too slowly for me, I’ll tell him how incompetent he is.

I feel horrible when I do this but don’t know how to shut my mouth.

- Controlling in Chicago

I’m sensing a roar of responses from readers who, like your hubby, have had to deal with know-it-alls. I’m sure they’re saying a collective, “Watch out!” 

Consider this possibility: Some day your husband will find someone who lets him be himself, and he’ll soon be and putting things together in just the right amount of time, for her.

Start controlling yourself. Since you already recognize your oppressive behaviour is unfair (your children will come to resent it, too) start figuring out what in your past made you need to always be “right,” and the teacher of everyone.

If you can’t source and stop this compulsive drive, which is ultimately unhealthy for any of your relationships, seek professional help.

In my four-year relationship, things were great for six months; then I got pregnant accidentally. We had a fall-out and he wanted me to abort. I wouldn’t. 

I felt like I really loved him and thought we we’re together for the long haul. But now I can no longer stand him. We have a beautiful healthy son, age three, and I know he should still be a part of his son’s life but I’m planning on moving in with another man and his son; it’s a positive, friendly relationship.

I’m unsure how to break this to my son’s father; I’m scared as hell because I don’t want to cause him a nervous breakdown, and I don’t want my son to witness any of the sadness.

My partner has done some mean things mentally, and continually controlled me. I just can’t forgive him but I do want to keep a healthy relationship between my son and his father.

- In a Hard Place

It’s rare that a quick escape from one man to another provides the kind of “rescue” you’re seeking. Even if you and the new man are only “friendly,” your ex is bound to be furious that you abandoned him with little time for anyone (including your son) to adjust. I’m not saying you should be staying with a man who’s mean, and for whom you have no feelings. But it’s difficult for a non-custodial father and son to have a healthy relationship when the father’s been blind-sided and left behind so abruptly. 

There are also legal considerations, depending on your jurisdiction – he may be able to successfully seek custody, and/or resist child and spousal support. See a lawyer and find out the best, conciliatory way to arrange for a proper legal separation, including assuring your ex of decent access to his son.

If you find the new arrangement not as perfect as you’d imagined, try living independently with your son, and focus on building your own resources and self-esteem, so you don’t have to keep relying on men.

Recently, I witnessed one mother saying to her youngster, “Shut up or I’ll kick you in the face.” 

Another mother said to her kid, “You’re six, I have no problem embarrassing you in front of everyone on this bus!”

When does one step in and suggest a different way to talk to children?

I’m only 19, but I feel this kind of verbal abuse cannot be tolerated.

- Disgusted Bystander

If you witness physical abuse or severe emotional/verbal abuse, you have a duty to report it to child authorities (with an address or other information like the bus route). However, confronting a mother, yourself, without bringing more trouble to the child, takes tact and sensitivity. 

If she’s looking overwhelmed, offer some help such as carrying her parcels; encourage her with a compliment on her child’s appearance or intelligence.

Be pleasant, but not intrusive to the child, to lighten the moment.