We met nine months ago; he’s 28, I’m 32. I really fell for him. Date three we did the deed.

Since then, that’s just what we do and it’s fabulous all the time.

We do also chat when we get together, which is every few days. We have so much in common - career, education, and family values.

He gets jealous when I go on dates and I think he’s occasionally had dates, too. So, why not with me?

I want to be in a relationship, but he’s said, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

I’m tired of this type of relationship and it makes me feel bad about myself sometimes.

What do I do now? I don't want to scare him off or make him think I'm giving him an ultimatum, which I would be if I spoke about it.

Heartache Ahead?

It’s not an ultimatum to say, “This isn’t enough for me.” You need to say it to yourself, first, because it’s not enough for you.

Just because you allowed this “benefits-only” relationship, doesn’t mean you’re stuck this way. You’re a free agent. BUT, you’ve let him believe it’s all fine with you. By keeping mum, you’re sending a false message that he may even think is odd.

Worse, you’ll soon resent him, and if you become aware that he dates/sleeps with anyone else you’ll have set yourself up for the heartache that follows.

Invite him out to dinner, or to something that interests you both. Play on whatever it is you DO have in common besides sex. If he resists, you’ll know he doesn’t want a fuller, deeper relationship with you. If so, move on. Fast.

I’m a university student who recently transferred to the big city.

I’ve been with my boyfriend of three years since I was nineteen. Recently, I’d been juggling being a full-time student, table waiting, starting an internship, caring for a dog, and being a taxi for my roommate.

My (now long- distance) boyfriend is my best friend. He’s been unemployed awhile and I’ve felt myself carrying my own responsibilities, those of others, and felt under-appreciated.

His best friend is the only person I knew prior to moving here, and he’s been helpful to me.

We’d grab a beer after work and chat. Then recently, he kissed me... and then... We both feel like scum.

Did I do it because I got into my relationship too young? Does it mean I don't really love my boyfriend?

I cannot live with this guilt. But I know my boyfriend will never forgive either one of us. Do I come clean and ruin not one, but two relationships?

Hate Myself

Let’s cut to the point: You’re alone, overworked, missing your boyfriend, so cheated with his best friend.

It was a dumb choice, but it’s done.

You and his pal could decide to keep this a secret and never get together alone again. But you’re unlikely to be that good at carrying it off without breaking down.

Your guilt is about you and your boyfriend so let his buddy worry about his guilt feelings, while you handle your relationship.

Wait till you see your guy again. Don’t tell him long distance, nor when he’s down and out and unemployed.

Re-connect in person, the best you can. If you want to stay together, tell him what happened, with all the background you’ve stated here. He may forgive you. Maybe not. But like you said, you cannot live with the guilt.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother worried that her daughter would leave children ages eight and six alone while she works (Sept. 25):

Reader – “The mother made reference to leaving children under age 12 home alone being  “illegal.” I thought it’s up to the parents’ discretion although there are commonly used guidelines.”

Ellie – “According to Child Safe Canada’s website, a resource for safety related questions, “the age at which children in Canada can legally be left at home alone for reasonable and short periods of time varies from province to province, ranging anywhere from 10 to 12 years.

“Some provinces place that decision into a parent’s hands (assuming they are responsible and not placing a child in harm’s way).

“My answer to the anxious mother was specific to her grandchildren who were ages six and eight – it’s dangerous and therefore illegal to leave them on their own while the mother’s away working.”