I met this beautiful girl, and within a month, by Jan. 1, 2008, we got serious and fell in love. I have a child; she has three, who are great kids. I’m 24; she’s 29.
However, in the past 18 months, I’ve been with another woman early on, visited single sites, and flirted way beyond the line with another female through text message.
My girlfriend recently left me because she can’t take it any more, although I’ve stopped it all. I realized what I had and started to treat her with the respect and love she deserves, but the damage was done.
She doesn’t think I can change, but I have. It’s just the lingering effects of my previous immature personality. I’ve tried everything to win her back, but she’s still scared to give it a try.
She was no angel in the relationship: she acquired all her information by stealing passwords for my Facebook and email accounts.
Any suggestions?

- Lost

Too late, mate.
As a mother of three children, your girlfriend understands she can’t risk their well-being and security by depending on a partner who plays around.
Since you were on the prowl almost from the start, she clearly had strong enough hints to investigate… and acted on what she found, by leaving.
You say you’ve changed, yet you still offer excuses – your “immaturity” – and fault her for the snooping. Wake up, and look in the mirror.
This is a sad story of your own creation. If you truly believe you’ve changed, act on it, in your next relationship.

My boyfriend of three years recently started a new job as truck driver, which meant he’d often be away. I disliked him doing this job because he wasn’t taking care of himself, often not eating and sleeping right. I distanced myself for a couple of weeks so that I could accept him having a new job and allow him to adjust.
Meanwhile, after almost three weeks of not seeing my boyfriend, me and this co-worker started having feelings for each other, and expressed them. He had a girlfriend and felt guilty about us, but said he did love me. One month later, he stopped all contact with me, and went back to his girlfriend.
Me and my boyfriend started becoming closer and I told him about the situation. He was furious and wanted me to quit my job, but finally cooled off. Then, a girl called his cell phone, said she loved my boyfriend and constantly called that day.
He believes I was involved in the calls, and got angry again. He says he loves me but can’t trust me. I love him.
How can I make him trust me again?

- Stressed

Start with a repeated apology – like the previous writer’s saga, this entire episode was created by you. You need to admit this to yourself, or it’s likely you’ll fall back into a pattern of self-absorption.
Your “distancing” reaction to your boyfriend’s new job was all about what YOU felt, not him; you denied him support when he needed it most.
Your speedy involvement with your co-worker – with no caring about either of your partners – was more self-indulgence.
Your guy has every reason to mistrust you, and winning back confidence in you will take time.
Do NOT revert to feeling sorry for yourself, and seeking comfort elsewhere. Be a partner, and help him maintain a healthy lifestyle for his job, and not add to his stress, while he’s driving long hauls.

My visiting brother-in-law, 16, watches TV in our bedroom until we want to go to sleep.
Recently, when I left the room briefly, he got into my place; when I returned, he simply moved over!
After work, we find a sink full of dirty dishes and him laying on the couch.
He watches me cook dinner, and then watches my husband and I wash up.
Is he clueless, does he know he’s a nuisance, or is he just being 16?

- Put out

YOU’RE the ones acting clueless. Teenagers try any behaviour they can get away with… remember?
It was up to you and Hubby to set some structure, and assign some must-do chores, in exchange for his “vacation,” which is what he thought he was having.
Since he’s family you’re meant to help and care about, have a gentle, non-blaming talk about what you expect during any return visit.