My daughter is really into horseback riding. She has always been obsessed with horses, and since I like them too, I researched getting her riding lessons at a very young age. In the beginning, when she was little, there wasn’t a big commitment involved, nor a big cost.

Slowly, as she got older and better at riding, we needed to spend more time at the barn, and have the proper gear. We have always “adopted” a pony from the barn, one whom she rides solely, and in return, she cares for it through grooming and food, etc.

She is now on her third pony, for reasons never made clear to us, and this pony has fallen lame and needs some rehabilitation. It’s going to cost thousands of dollars, money which we don’t have. The barn is insisting the cost is ours to incur.

What do we do?

Pony Problems

This sounds like a legal issue, which I am not able to answer. However, I would start by reading any material on the barn, i.e. Google reviews, their website, and any paperwork that you may or may not have signed over the years.

I don’t think they can force you to pay for vet bills and rehab, but you’ll probably have to separate from that barn and find a new one. When you do, I would ask upfront what the financial expectations are regarding the pony they assign to your daughter.

I'm not sure how to help my child and her family. My daughter and her husband are struggling financially. They’ve been married for a decade with two beautiful little girls. They are both slogging away in jobs they don’t enjoy trying to make bill payments every month.

The stress has caused both to retreat, and their communication has all but disappeared. My daughter suffers from anxiety, and my son-in-law suffers depression and social awkwardness. It’s a woeful combination.

I try to help with babysitting as often as possible to lighten the financial burden, and the worries my daughter feels when anyone else is watching the girls. She’s also very particular about what the girls eat.

Over the years I’ve always known my daughter to be clean, organized and health conscious. My issue is that lately, when I go to their house, it’s an absolute disaster. There are dirty dishes in the sink, food left out that should be refrigerated, old and moldy items in the fridge and bare cupboards.

I’m worried that something more serious is going on that either they’re not admitting to, or they don’t recognize. I don’t want to meddle, but something is amiss.

Mom-sense

If you are so inclined, and you don’t think they’ll mind, first thing I would do is clean up the mess. Get your granddaughters to help you however they can. If you can afford it, take the girls, and buy some healthy groceries and basics to fill the pantry.

Then sit down with both your daughter and son-in-law and ask them how you can help. Hopefully, they just need someone to listen, give them a boost and set them back on track. But they also sound like they need some medical check-ups to keep them on track.

FEEDBACK Regarding the stay-at-home mom inundated with emails (Dec. 5):

Reader – “I find it helpful to have three separate email accounts.  One I use as my throwaway, which I give out to anything retail; the second is for friends and family; and the third is for business.  Depending on which email program she uses (I use Outlook), you can click on the icon for that specific mailbox and just see emails in that category.  The retail one she can review when she has the time, rarely is there anything earth-shattering.”

Lisi – Great idea!

FEEDBACK Regarding the near 50-year-old woman losing grasp of her language (Dec. 7):

Reader – “I am 66 years old.  This is called AGING. Next you will start to notice new pains.

“I agree with the mental games suggested.  But, if you’re more mathematically inclined, maybe Sudoku and Solitaire.

“Plus, DO NOT FORGET about maintaining physical activity.  Daily walks do wonders for both physical and mental health.

“The real ‘joys’ happen when you get your first colonoscopy; for women, your first mammogram; and, for males, prostrate exams.

“Do NOT worry about every little thing that you start to notice. Talk to anyone older than you.

“By the way, there is nothing more attractive than a woman embracing her natural aging process - think Lisa LaFlamme AFTER she stopped colouring her hair. To me, that’s sexy.”

Lisi – All true, but I still believe in having a thorough medical when something seems wrong and worrisome.