I'm a woman, 26, who dated someone four years ago when I didn't take dating very seriously.
I disrespected the person many times during our three-month relationship. Due to my insecurities, I literally ran away from him while he called out to me, hoping that we could work it out.
That night we talked on Skype and he officially called it quits. I regretted from then on, everything that I’d done to him.
He blocked me on certain social media sites and moved on while I still try to apologize to him from time to time. All I’ve wanted was one more chance to make it right.
I wish I could turn back time, and be a better girlfriend to him. He was an amazing person. What do I do?
Full of Regret
Do nothing more regarding this previous relationship.
You’ve already done what was needed by him, and for yourself as well: You’ve apologized and taken responsibility for your poor treatment of him.
Also, you’ve matured to recognizing that you were driven by past insecurities.
Now, let it go. Continuing to contact him when he’s been clear that he’s not interested can be interpreted as stalking. It won’t endear him to wanting to see you again.
Also, it suggests that you’re still acting out of old impulses. If this is so (and I suspect it is), seek counselling that helps you deal with all your relationships, dating and even friendships, without bringing along baggage from the past.
I’m female and 38, single after six years of living with a partner with whom I became more roommate than lover.
We parted almost a year ago. Six months later, my former college classmate on whom I’d had a crush, found me on Facebook.
We chatted online awhile, then by phone, then went out for our first drink together. I felt the old attraction, but he didn’t make a move other than a hug when we parted.
Since then, we’ve only been together about five times, and had sex twice. I feel he’s The One.
He’s 40, never married, has a very busy job for which he travels a lot. He can go three weeks without contacting me, but I keep sending little messages and he’ll send back a smiley face or thumbs-up emoji.
I’m sure he and I are meant to be… it’s just that he’s so busy and hasn’t been in a serious relationship for years (and it only lasted 18 months).
I never know when I’ll hear from him next – he’s not consistent – or when I’ll see him again because of his work.
Should I try to get a commitment that this is a serious romance for him, too, and that there’s a future for us as a couple? What’s the best approach?
So far, the romance is in your head with the former crush revived just when you were ready for it.
Meanwhile, he’s clearly in no rush. You’re easily available to him, always keeping up the contact so that he has little need to work at it.
Though you mention having sex, you say nothing of intimacy – conversations about your feelings, shows of affection, meeting each other’s close people…
Maybe some of this happened but nothing strong enough for you to know he’s on the same page as you in this sometime-only connection.
You have two choices: Be “busy” yourself and see if he misses you. Or, tell him how you feel about him and accept his response.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding current issues about “gender identity:”
“When my daughter was born in the 70’s, there was no way I’d inflict her with society’s ideas of what makes one female.
“I removed her from a school that wouldn’t let her play in the work-shop area. She wore overalls for easy tree-climbing and doing “boy things.”
“She joined the boys’ football team in high school. She loved arm-wrestling boys, whom she could beat then.
“In her 40s now, she’s a beautiful, accomplished female, with three children. She’s not putting society’s barriers on them.
“But I don’t understand current talk of “gender identities,” just because women want to soar with no boundaries and some males aren’t into the violent nature of society’s rules for men.”
Ellie – Gender identity refers to people’s internal sense of their gender, no matter their assigned/presumed sex at birth. Gender fluidity refers to identifying with two or more genders and fluctuating between genders.
Tip of the day:
Regret your bad behaviour? Apologize, but accept that the relationship’s over.