I’m happily married for 28 years, and have five children. I adopted my husband’s nephew at age three - his parents wanted us to bring him to live in Canada.

His biological mother asked me to treat him as my own. I decided to never let him feel that he’s not my own. I fell in love with him when he finally arrived here, at age 11.

I raised him for 15 years, and he still lives with me. Even in my Will, he gets equal share with the other kids.

When I went back home five years ago, his parents started claiming him. I didn’t do anything about it because I felt it’s normal.

Now he’s getting married and we’ve included them in all plans for his wedding back home.

Suddenly, everyone’s treating me as his aunt - even my in-laws, though we’re paying for the wedding.

The groom doesn’t know anything about how I’m being treated. If I tell him, he’ll be hurt, too. My husband says to let it go. But I’m so hurt and sad.

I don’t want to discuss it in the family, as it’ll cause problems. He’s still going to be living with us.

Everybody knows he’s adopted, even his fiancée. But her relative made a comment today about wanting to bring a gift for his biological brother, because he’s the brother. My other kids will also be so hurt, as they’re so close with this boy.

I was a really strong woman, now I’m helpless. In my heart, I believe they should thank me for raising him with such good manners.

Helpless

You’re still strong inside, because you wisely don’t want to create problems.

There are two realities here: 1) You raised him as your son, which he knows, he’s still going to be living with you, and the relationship between you two is what matters most. You don’t need labels to prove it. Everyone in the family can see the great job you did as his adoptive mom.

2) The biological parents likely feel embarrassment at having sent him away and the family’s boosting their connection to keep them involved through the wedding. If it were occurring in Canada, they’d feel like outsiders, and that would be awkward, too.

The money you’re spending is out of love. Hold your head high, and enjoy his happiness with him. There may be a future connection with his biological parents regarding any grandchildren, but he’ll never forget who raised him. Also, being in the same city will keep you close.

What’s the best solution if, in a blended family relationship, your partner treats your child differently from his kids (favourites, different rules for each child, cold attitude towards my child, etc.).

We like each other, but if he’s not willing to have the same parenting methods and provide the same treatment towards my kid, can the relationship be fixed even after telling him how I feel, and there’s been no change?

Unfair

No. You already know that you can’t accept unfair, shabby treatment of your child. It’ll only get worse, because his children will pick up his attitudes, and isolate your child within their sibling unit.

Read the question above and see how generously and lovingly people can raise someone else’s child, if they wish to do so. Your so-called partner doesn’t wish to do so.

Move on, not only for your child’s sake. The guy doesn’t respect your feelings, and is the furthest thing from generous of spirit.

FEEDBACK Regarding the mother who discovered that the father of her child’s playmate is a cross-dresser (July 20):

Reader – “Your advice was great - it's an opportunity for that woman to give her kid some lessons about diversity and acceptance.

“One thing I did wonder was how to respond to a man who wasn't fully dressed, being around yours and others’ children?

“To me, a bathrobe and frilly panties, no matter who is wearing them, isn’t appropriate attire for supervising children playing, especially when not all those children are your own.

“How might she have addressed that, and how would the fact that the underpants he was seen wearing were ladies' underpants change the approach she could take, in terms of being delicate and trying not to embarrass him?”

Right on! She could’ve said, to someone of either gender, “I can watch the kids now, so you’ll be free to get dressed.”