I met an amazing man last September.
We spent five hours talking. It was "magical” (his word). We agreed to have lunch the next day.
He disclosed that he was a Christian. I said the same but that I don’t practice any organized religion.
We live in different towns. For the next several weekends, he drove to spend weekends at my house.
We got along well, cooking together, going for walks, watching movies, and talking for hours.
However, we were never intimate. He slept in the guest room, but I’d awaken early and go to his bed. He’d hold me with his arms on top of the blankets.
Soon, he said that for him to be intimate with me, I need to lose weight. I responded that due to COVID-19, I’m 20 pounds over my normal weight but I’m not "fat.”
I tried to end the relationship twice, because I wasn't what he needs. He got very upset, saying that he didn't care about my weight but didn't want only a sexual relationship.
He said he was attracted to me, I should relax and let life unfold.
He believes that sex is only to procreate, not for pleasure. We’re both early-60s. He asked, “What if we’re never intimate?" I said I wanted a full, loving relationship, with intimacy included.
He ended the relationship last month because of confusion over his "indecisiveness” about my requirements.
I said I was truly done.
What do you think is the real reason he was withholding intimacy?
He didn’t like me kissing him either. He said that "everything" works, to just let it happen.
He added that women always seduced him, and he let them have him. I insisted he’d have to initiate to be with me. He admitted he didn’t know how.
I miss him. What should I do?
No Intimacy, No Deal
Move on. This man’s withholding what he knows you need in a relationship and has complicated reasons which he won’t divulge.
His first excuse was insulting, regarding your weight. Why then create expectations by going to your home for sleepovers?
He’s not being open and honest, instead obscuring the truth that he’s possibly unable to sustain an erection or isn’t sexually attracted to you or women in general.
You’re a healthy, sexual, mature woman who knows what you want/require to fully trust a partner.
This man isn’t the right choice.
How do I deal with a 15-year-old son who thinks he can parent me?
He thinks he can talk to me/argue whatever way he wants.
When I try to talk to him, it always turns into a yelling match. I’d never dare have thought of pulling what he tries with me, with my mom.
Back then, parents were allowed to give their disrespectful kids a slap if needed. Nowadays it’s considered child abuse. So, what do you do when your hands are tied?
Very Frustrated Mom
I understand the huge level of frustration during this long-drawn pandemic of restrictions, confusion, and worries.
It’s as hard on your teenager as on you, because despite his attempts for control by arguing with you, he’s still a dependant.
The days of it being okay for parents to react physically are thankfully gone, having often created a next generation of child-abusers, not better relationships.
Your son’s feeling helpless, possibly scared/worried about how you’re handling Covid, e.g., if you’re ignoring any safety requirements.
Listen. Show understanding. You’ll both feel better.
I’d told our adult children that I wouldn’t host this Christmas because of COVID-19. I assumed we’d all be celebrating within our own households, as we’ve been advised.
However, my son’s family’s going to spend the day at her mother’s, with other relatives present. My daughter and husband are joining his parents and relatives for Christmas dinner.
I’m upset at not seeing my children this Christmas but think it’s too risky right now.
My friends are also getting together with their families!
My husband thinks I’ve spoiled Christmas. How can I convince him that this is the right thing and still make Christmas safe and enjoyable for us?
Candles, Christmas music, a delicious meal, a festive drink, online communication with your children, grandchild and friends, wherever they are.
Believe in what you’re doing to stay safe from a dangerous virus that thrives indoors.
Tell your husband that you love him and won’t risk your life together.
Tip of the day:
A new relationship with an odd, unexplained flaw from early on, rarely becomes a lasting bond.