My girlfriend broke up with me on the premise that “I wasn’t taking life seriously enough and was still acting like a child and partying.” We’d been together three years, throughout most of our time at university, and we were in our graduating semester. I had one class left and it was an easy one for me. So, I was having a good time. I was also applying for internships and jobs, so I wasn’t completely wasting my time.

Anyway, my girlfriend wasn’t having it, and she dumped me. I was heartbroken. Guess what I did? I partied harder! Which “proved” her right. I then had one last “fun” summer job and enjoyed the best summer ever. I didn’t have a girlfriend, per se, but I did have a lot of fun.

My ex heard that I was hanging out with one woman in particular and lost her mind. She messaged that woman on social media and told her to get away from me. Then she got in touch with me and told me the same thing. Meanwhile I heard that she’s now dating a guy who grows his own marijuana!

What is she thinking?

Dumped and Denied

No matter why your girlfriend initially broke up with you, she has no right to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with. My take is that she’s jealous of this girl. I would guess that she feels threatened by her, such that she believes that perhaps you and this new person could have a meaningful relationship.

Your three-year relationship may have been great at the time, but there’s no going back now. Your girlfriend broke up with you under false pretences. In this case, the “why” mattered. And now she’s dating a serious pot smoker? That seems hypocritical.

Just walk away and don’t engage. Enjoy your life, date whomever you wish, and don’t allow other people to tell you what to do.

I have three friend groups: my school friends that I’ve been friends with my whole life; my cottage friends that I’ve spent the summers with ever since I can remember; and my dance friends who I spend the most time with, believe it or not. I love all these girls so much (and the guys from the cottage)!

The problem is that each group is so insular that they never want to meet, intermingle or have anything to do with one another. My summer friends are easy to accept as a group on their own because everyone lives all over and we’re only all together in the summer. But my dance friends live in the same city as me and my school friends.

I’m fine not mixing, but sometimes when there’s something cool going on, I want everyone to enjoy and go together, like a concert or something. How can I get them to see that they’d like each other if they’d only give it a chance?

Mixing Friend Groups

This is a GREAT question! Many girls your age (I’m guessing you’re still a teenager) suffer from insecurity. It’s par for the course and almost a rite of passage. Maturity and age help overcome self-doubt, though some people suffer for years. There’s a lot going on for teenagers: physical change and growth, hormones, emotions, life changes such as starting high school, deciding what path you want to take and heading there through college, university or another route.

Sometimes insecurity shows through as shyness, other times, it comes across as exclusive or unkind. My guess is that through your life experiences, you have a very strong character and can get along with lots of people. Enjoy your friends for who they are, lower your expectations, and don’t push getting everyone together.

FEEDBACK Regarding the employee ire (Dec. 10):

Reader – “I disagree with your comment to the shopper who encountered a rude salesperson. I worked retail for 20 years. There is no reason for a salesperson to be rude to a customer.  If the customer has issues, then you get the manager, but the customers’ needs must be taken care of.  If the salesperson is having a bad day, then they have to suck it up and get on with the job.  If the salesperson is not well, then they need to be asked to be excused from work. I am not a Pollyanna, but having worked in various retail positions, it can be done.”
Retired Salesperson

Lisi – You are correct that a salesperson should not be rude to a customer. However, you can choose how you react, and I try to always choose kindness and compassion.