I dated a wonderful man for three years. We met online, and our first date was amazing. We’re both in our 60's.
We promised to grow old together and buy a house together when we retired.
Though we had our ups and downs, it was largely a loving and good relationship.
He was cranky at times and sulked after arguments. He was also very stubborn.
He never told me he loved me, which hurt a lot.
He broke it off after we returned from a wonderful holiday. I asked if he’d attend counselling and he refused.
I’ve tried various times to contact him, but he doesn’t respond to my emails and told me he was dating someone else, just four months after we broke up.
It’s over 15 months now and I miss him and would love to just see him and catch up.
I know if he really wanted to be with me he would… but I still hope he’ll return. How do I move on and get him out of my life for good?
Your story highlights how love, and the desire for attachment, are common to all ages and bring on the same emotions you likely felt when younger.
But fortunately, experience, maturity, and wisdom are also available to you now.
So no, you’re not “Stuck,” just letting the hurt and disappointment linger too long, because you’re not ready to just forget him.
You don’t have to. He brought something good into your life, as you did his.
But though you’re very accepting of his negative traits, living out your years with someone so stubborn, who wouldn’t say he loved you, and broke up with little explanation, wasn’t likely to be so wonderful.
YOU are the one who’s loving and giving.
Now give yourself another chance by seeking potential dates through friends, community gatherings, special interest groups, volunteering, etc.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’m living in university residence again this year while my two best friends are living in an apartment with another girl.
I was really close with one of them over the summer. I made an effort to keep contact with the other over the summer (which she reciprocated poorly).
Last year, they weren’t even close friends.
Now, because they’re living together, they’re all playing house and seem to have forgotten about me.
All the effort’s mine, yet I have to listen to them tell me about all the fun they’re having making meals and living together.
They know I don’t want to be in residence again, that I’d much rather have an apartment with them, but don’t seem to care about my feelings and have made no effort to include me.
I’m really hurt by their actions. Should I tell them how I feel, or stop being so eager to get together?
Enough of woe-is-me-thinking, because if these so-called “besties” haven’t started to include you by now, then they aren’t the most reliable friends out there.
It’s pretty natural that initially they were busy getting to know each other as roommates, but excluding you showed high-school clique mentality.
Meanwhile, living in a university environment puts you in contact with many new people and possible friends - through residence life, classes, sports, music, etc.
Be friendly, open, and determined to enjoy yourself. Once you’re active and involved with new people, there’ll be no sense of “third wheel.”
Instead, you’ll have the confidence of knowing how to take advantage of your surroundings and create new connections.
FEEDBACK Regarding the ten-year-divorced woman who didn’t want her son’s wedding at his father’s farm (Sept. 9):
Reader – “My husband left his former wife because of so much unhappiness in their marriage.
“While it’s easy to say that the son should marry at his father’s farm, the event is much harder for the spouse who left, especially if strained feelings still exist.
“At my husband’s son's wedding, we were placed with his ex, her new husband and her family, despite the animosity that still existed.
“We weren’t invited to a wedding shower, nor the rehearsal dinner, and were left out of all wedding plans.
“In the church, we were seated in the second row, while other family members were placed in the front.
“But they sure didn't mind taking the money that was handed out by us.
“We’re still hurt by all of this and dread when the next child gets married next year.”
Tip of the day:
When a partner withholds saying “love,” be wary of disappointment ahead.