My spouse's family wants him to baptize our baby. We're both not religious. He used to attend church to make his family happy, so they believed he was religious. Now he's not practicing any organized religion because he doesn't believe in what the Bible says.

They keep assuming that I "changed his views." They even called us stupid and said we had no beliefs. They said they wouldn't stop harassing us during visits; they keep taking their son aside to convince him. They make him feel guilty, saying they're disappointed in him, though he's explained that he doesn't believe in baptism. But they blame me.

We both feel it's best that our daughter decide for herself when she's older.

I'd be open to baptism if he were religious and wanted this, but not just to satisfy others.

Distressed

His parents are out of line to harass and cast blame. However, to raise a child with the knowledge to make a choice about religion, you as parents should learn to discuss confidently and firmly what you do and do not believe in.

Look for a modern priest/minister to talk to. Ask for his view on baptism without faith. He may reject this possibility - which you can tell your in-laws - or have a different approach.

Your husband should also discuss why he doesn't believe in the Bible, as part of an open, honest conversation.

This is NOT intended to get you to Church. If you're uncomfortable with a religious leader, use reading, and debate with people you respect. This will give you both greater confidences in your own position. If nothing changes, limit the in-laws' visits.

I met this guy (both in our 50's) three years ago. We liked each other immediately, but he lived with a woman, and I was dating someone. He started texting me four months later, very clear about his "feelings" for me.

I'd become unattached, but he said his was "a room-mate" situation, no romance involved. He lives with her out of convenience, since he's a truck driver and absent a lot.

Over the years our "relationship" deepened, but I became confused since he still lives with her.

Last September, he said he'd move out, because he wanted to be with me! Then she got breast cancer, and I understood that he couldn't just leave. Meanwhile, he's been battling his own illness.

He has three grown kids, but only one knows about me. I think I already know the answer to this self-inflicted dilemma, but I do love this man. However, he keeps stalling on a commitment about us.

Do I move on from him, even though he's ill? There always seems to be another excuse. We don't have sex, his illness prevents this, so that's not the reason he's hanging on to me. He calls and texts me, but never from home. He only comes over when "the coast is clear."

What's wrong with me for holding on to him?

Mature Fool

This picture isn't going to change. His actions are clear - he's "attached" to her, getting other emotional benefits from you. If his illness worsens, so will the relationship because he won't be able to sneak over to your place.

Say goodbye now. OR, accept that this is a friendship only and insist that it be open, that you meet "his woman" and his kids. His answer to that idea should set you free. You're still young enough to meet someone unattached, and build a real relationship.

FEEDBACK Regarding helping the single mother of three (Feb. 11):

Reader - "The writer's suggestion of using Freecycle to solve the children's clothing problem is misleading.

"It's true that the mom could ask for clothing to be donated, and would have a good chance of getting some help that way.

"However, Freecycle's stated purpose is to keep out of landfill things which still have lots of use left in them.

"Although there a few groups around which may allow services to be posted, most don't. You can neither offer nor request them.

"Use of someone's laundry facilities, therefore, wouldn't be accepted as a wanted post. Furthermore, everything on Freecycle must be completely free - no money, no offers to trade, no compensation."

Since there are many single parents struggling to raise kids on limited income, perhaps some worthwhile agencies could expand their current services in ways still meaningful to their purpose.