My mother-in-law’s saying hurtful things about me to my sister-in-law, who’s repeated some to me. 

While I question my sister-in-law’s motives (she has abandonment issues with her mother) she’s not a liar. I asked my husband to get the whole story from her, to know that his mother feels this way. I don’t expect or want him to confront his mother, but to support me and stop accusing me of “overreacting” or “being too sensitive” when his mother rolls her eyes at me or makes comments.

I’m embarrassed by some things she’s said: e.g. I didn’t deserve my new car; I don’t feed my husband; insinuations that I’m after his money.

I feel the need to prove myself constantly - cleaning for hours before they come over, in a panic if the visit is unannounced. I find myself sucking up in fear of a confrontation.

My husband says I should stand up to her but that’s not my style nor do I feel I should have to behave that way with a family member.

- Avoiding Drama

You and Hubby have this all backwards: HE should be speaking up to his mother; YOU should stop over-cleaning and enjoy your car. 

Most important, tell Sis-in-Law that you appreciate her “support” (or whatever) but you prefer not to hear any more reports; you got the general message.

Now consider: If those two have mother-daughter “issues,” Mama may be criticizing you – albeit misguidedly and unfairly – only to show her daughter she loves her more.

Meanwhile, it’s her son who needs to tell her the badmouthing must stop, that he loves you, he chose you, and she either respects that and you, or he’ll be far less inclined to be in her company. (If she’s so impressed with “his money,” that’ll be another power incentive for her to back off).

Be yourself, be confident and brush off any comments or eye rolling with the recognition that you’ve got her son, and she’s left with carrying around unhappiness, for whatever reasons.

I’m 22, in a two-year relationship. Our jobs put us on opposite schedules and we’re seeing each other much less, though we live together. 

I’ve been trying to schedule time together, but my boyfriend isn’t putting the same effort into it. He’ll make time to go to the gym, two minutes from my work, but won’t come down on my break so we can have dinner.

He’ll make time to do things for himself or other people in his life, but not me. When questioned, he says it didn’t occur to him or he forgot about previous engagements. It’s wearing me down.

I’m wondering if we’re just at different places in our lives. He says he wants this relationship but I’m not so sure.

- Emotionally Drained

He may need some “wake-up” calls for the new situation, which is fair game… for a while. 

Leave a copy of your schedule in his email, and one at home, noting times when you’re both available to meet. If you hear he’s going to the gym, tell him when you have a break that day; plan ahead for mutual free time – e.g. get tickets for some sports event/theatre/movie; make “date” arrangements to be alone together at least once in two weeks. Yes, it puts the onus on you, but consider it a teaching period.

If he doesn’t catch on, or messes up on those plans, it’ll be clear: he’s not into working at the relationship.

My son and daughter-in-law are expecting their fourth child and I’m very happy for them, they seem to love a houseful of kids. 

However, my daughter, who’s only a year younger, keeps having miscarriages, and is getting depressed. She says she’s not jealous of her brother but I see she’s withdrawing from socializing with his wife.

How do I help her get through her sadness, yet still show my great enthusiasm at being with and expecting more grandchildren?

- Divided Happiness

You’re not responsible for either couple’s reproductive lives, and are fully entitled to be joyous about your grandchildren. 

Be a good listener and support to your daughter, and encourage her to seek counselling - both for her losses and for the options for infertility treatments.

Make no comparisons to her sister-in-law’s life, encourage normal family gatherings, but don’t pressure your daughter to have more contact than she can handle, for now.