I’m middle aged and live a unique and single lifestyle. In my 20s, people would say, “One day you’ll find that special someone.” This was mostly meant to compliment me, but frankly, it insulted me. Most of the time I wanted to fit in, be like everyone else. It took 30 years before I accepted that I’m not normal.

My first memories were of violence in the household that was common until I left home. I used to get angry when counsellors commented I’d had a hard upbringing. My mom died when I was a teenager.

I started my career at 35.  I went through hell to make my temp position a permanent position, and I’m grateful and appreciative every day. I’m so blessed.

I don’t have a lot going on outside of work. I wanted this career so badly for so long and I am mindful not to blow it. I’m very content and happy on my own. I am my own best company next to my pets. I’m close with my elderly parents, help tend to their yard and with anything else they need.

I’m not lonely; I don’t really want to go out and meet people, but I always accept an invitation. My closest friend for the past two years has just played me. I don’t understand. I was at her wedding, her baby showers, etc.  I feel so ashamed for being so stupid. I think back to all the heart-to-heart talks and sometimes her comments were passive aggressive or obvious she was asking in a backstabbing way.  I realize now that she and my manager were hanging out behind my back and not saying anything nice about me. Is this just a mean girls thing?

I’m too honest. Too confident in my friendships maybe because I don’t have a husband or kids to rely on. I’m going through hell. And all alone. It’s consuming. I’m so hurt and confused. Why would someone hate me that much? Why am I always the last to know I’m being played?

I’m a good person and I am the best, most loyal friend you can find. I deserve better.

Alone and betrayed

You expressed that you don’t feel “normal.” We are all unique, and in our uniqueness, we are all normal. You may have had a different childhood then many people you know, or a different life, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who’s had a cushy life from day one. We ALL have our issues.

Violence in the home is not healthy and terrible for a child to grow up with; sadly, bearing witness, or being a victim of abuse as a child creates a higher risk for mental health issues as adults, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. And losing your mother as a teenager must have been very difficult. But you’ve come out the other side! You have an incredible job, and you’re set for life (your words).

This story about your friend and your manager is just as you called it: mean girls. They’re immature and not true friends. But you missed the signals. That’s OK. You’ll learn and know for next time.

I strongly suggest you find someone to talk to who can help you recognize the difference between a true friend and someone using you. That same therapist could help you understand how the violence and losing your mom has (naturally) affected you. But it doesn’t have to define you. You sound stronger than that. I think you just need some professional help. Look to your workplace for therapists through their benefits package.

FEEDBACK Regarding Twilight Zone (May 6):
Reader – “I lived this scenario for 27 years of marriage! I had to read it aloud to my second husband who would never subject me to ‘silent treatment.’

“Hubby #1 had a big job, so I kept excusing the pressure as the cause of his bad behaviour. Normally, it was just me who he ignored - but when he started this with the kids, I finally spoke up. I divorced him in 2003, and the kids haven't spoken to him in 20 years.

“He never wanted to go for counselling since he was the big boss, and it would have shown up on his benefits.”

Reader #2 – “I wonder what happened the day/night before? For instance, we often hear of a partner getting the silent treatment ‘the morning after.’

“So maybe it was HER behaviour that caused the 24-hour ‘penalty?’”

Lisi – I don’t agree with that train of thought.