Seven months ago, I met a man and we hit it off instantly. But I made it clear that due to my high-stress career, I wanted a casual open relationship. He agreed.
We’ve been sexual from the start, and he’s respectful of physical boundaries, eager to please, communicates, and has a sense of humour. We see each other regularly, but only one friend knows about us.
We’ve also been supportive emotionally and career-wise. He’ll often complain to me about relationship problems with the other woman he’s seeing.
Initially, I was content with that. But recently, I’ve fallen for him! This is new for me – previously never wanting to get too attached, fearing commitment.
But he’s made me feel more comfortable and accepted than anyone else did. I want him all to myself, now.
I said so, and he asked what I propose we do next. He doesn’t wish to leave the other woman, but he’s indicated that if I forced his hand, he’d choose me.
I hate ultimatums, but I don’t want to share him. Should I wait for his other relationship to end, as it inevitably will?
Fairy-tale Romance or Bad Ending?
You’re finally ready for commitment, so sharing him will make you jealous, angry, and cause arguments between you two.
Play no games – no ultimatums, no waiting it out. Tell him you’re ready for both of you to plan towards being together. You understand if he can’t do that. But you cannot date casually any more, so you’re ending the relationship.
It’s not a plea for him to choose you. It’s an honest choice to walk away before your dates become painful, or worse, divisive.
He may not immediately choose you. It may take several months apart before you both know for sure whether or not this could be a lasting union.
But it’ll be the best way to find out.
My wife’s daughter is 27, loud, and opinionated, often at loggerheads with her mother. She’s also a single mother. Whenever we see her and the child, who’s only four years old, there’s fighting, and tension.
But my wife will never set limits because she fears she’ll be cut off from her granddaughter. I feel like a hostage in their battleground, but if I say I have to go elsewhere, my wife gets hurt and her daughter gets insulted.
I think things are only going to get worse.
Yes, they’ll get worse if you don’t speak up. If doing that risks your relationship with either of them, better now than when your resentment’s escalated.
Tell them how they’re affecting you, and affecting the child, too.
This single mother and child need loving grandparent involvement. Tell the daughter that you want to continue to be in the girl’s life but can’t accept constant tension.
Also, talk to your wife alone. There’s clearly another battle that’s silent, between her and her daughter.
It likely has to do with disapproval and criticism on the mom’s side, with defiance and defensiveness from her daughter.
That may lead to a blow-up and possible split between them one day, whether or not you’re around.
But change is possible if your wife takes the lead and backs off the arguments. It’s hard to battle when only one side’s fighting.
Tell her. If she wants to assure ongoing contact with her granddaughter, this is what she needs to hear. And family counselling between those two would benefit all of you.
This boy and I became official 18 months ago, but split up repeatedly, once during which he found another partner.
For the past six months, we’ve been having sex but aren't in a relationship. He doesn't want to because of his not always being loyal. He say he doesn't want to mess things up again, so doesn't like the relationship title.
He calls me his girlfriend with family and close friends, but seems embarrassed about me with certain people.
I want a relationship commitment. I know he’s texting other girls. I feel like I'm being used for sex.
But if I don’t have sex with him, he wouldn't leave me; he’d have sex with someone else behind my back. If I end it, I know we’ll make up again.
Cycle of Love
This isn’t about love, but your lack of self-respect and his self-indulgence. He cheats because he can, because you keep taking him back. Be confident that you deserve better. End it, period.
Tip of the day:
Waiting for someone’s other relationship to fail means living in limbo and pain.