I'm 26, and have been living with my boyfriend for two years. He's older and more established in his career, so I moved into his home. I don't pay rent but I pay for some of the bills/groceries, etc. We're considering marriage down the line.

But I'd like two issues resolved: 1) He smokes like a chimney, eats whatever he wants, and REFUSES to exercise in any way. I eat well and practice yoga, but he brushes me off or shuts down about my fears for his health.

2) His home is constantly under construction and I can't stand it anymore! He starts all these DIY home renovations projects and NEVER FINSHES ANYTHING!

The upstairs bathroom has been gutted and useless for two years. The floors have chunks missing. There's one wall without drywall at all times.

He's been living there for ten years and it's always been this way. These issues won't be "deal-breakers" for me but they're going to really bother me. I don't expect him to change completely. However, I want the construction to end. He refuses to hire any help and has to do everything himself. I also hope that he can put down the cheeseburger and go on a walk with his lovely girlfriend once in a while! Suggestions?

Two Issues

Reality check: He gets the exercise he cares about from his construction projects, indulges himself in smoking and burgers, and he may not change any of his habits until he's forced to by health, or chooses to get help and finish the reno (watch out for a cottage fixer-upper next).

My point is, you either take this guy as he is, for the long-term, or pay rent somewhere and re-think if he's the man for your future.

Seven months ago, I took myself out of a situation of two-and-a-half years of pure hell. I've finally got my life back on track.

I'm so happy now... but there are still stress points, e.g. dealing with the reality of that period, losing the depression weight, gaining strength, my fiancée living 3000 kilometres away, etc., but, it's sooo much better than what I've dealt with.

Unfortunately, my friends and family aren't in an "upswing" period. My sister's on the verge of divorce, my best friend's living a lie, and a close friend's going through a nasty split. The latter is super needy and very self-involved, she's never even inquired about my own well being.

I had to pull away from supporting her, because nothing has changed and I'm tired of listening and advising.

Now that I've clawed my way out, I feel like I've taken on too much and can't be there for everyone all the time.

I also feel totally selfish and like she needs me. I can be there for my sister and best friend (although kind of grudgingly now), but with her, it's too overwhelming.

Things are really bad with her though, and I don't know how to reconnect, or if I want to. How can I limit the "counselling" that she requires, while still showing I love her?

Torn

You're not her counselor. And she needs one. Show your support by encouraging her to help herself in this way. Giving more than you can is NOT a favour to her, because you'll eventually fatigue beyond any interest in her.

Your goal is to stay in touch without letting her use you as a listening post and lean on you too heavily.

My husband and I sold our family home, we're moving soon to a condo. We're currently clearing stuff that's gathered here for over 40 years.

Suddenly, our married children are all agitated, insisting they have a say whether we discard items or save things for them. None have big houses; so they expect us to cart things like old family scrapbooks along to our new, smaller place. They act hurt and even angry when we balk. How do we get these "kids" to grow up?

Guilt-ed

Respect their memories, but protect your own space and your adjustment to moving. Rent a small storage space (preferably in the condo building) and tell these "kids" they have six months in which to go there and pick up items they are willing to make room for at home. If rental costs are a problem, insist they all chip in to pay the fee.