My co-worker smells like fecal matter. Due to numerous complaints, our supervisor told her, in the past, to pay more attention to her hygiene. She complied for a while.

She's apparently forgotten the shame and humiliation she felt when informed of the complaints, and smells horribly again. Even her office chair reeks of her noxious odor.

We've again asked our supervisor for help and were told it's a Human Resources matter; no further discussion will be appropriate. Meanwhile, she continues to ruin our workday with her stench.

Need Suggestions

You have a right to ask your HR department for 1) assurances that they'll handle this problem, and when, 2) their fallback plan if she doesn't comply. Do this discreetly - the goal is NOT humiliation of this woman, but helping her resolve this problem for herself as well as people around her.

If the HR department won't respond to you, search company policy on other disruptive behaviours by employees. Then put together a statement demanding some resolution, signed by all who work in your area. Again, be discreet. If you push too hard, the woman may have a case against the company for bullying or constructive dismissal. HR must avoid being put in that position.

However, before turning to formal approaches, there's another, kindlier course to try. It must be done off company premises, and only if you can do it in a friendly, caring way: Talk to the woman. Ask her if she's aware of what's causing the problem, if there's a related health issue, and if she's seen a doctor about it. Having someone care about her more than her smell might move her to do something about it.

My good friend offered to host a wedding shower as a gift to me. She'd been asked to be in my bridal party but declined, and I understood.

She planned a lovely shower and paid for it herself. However, she asked my sisters (my bridesmaids) to help with writing the invitations. This caused an uproar, with my sisters feeling that if she wanted to throw the whole party, why should they be asked to do anything?

The shower itself was very nice, but it was apparent that my sisters were unhappy with the hostess. She tried to get them to write down who gave which gifts, but they refused. They never assisted in any activities and sat in their seats as guests, even though they're in the bridal party.

I don't understand why my sisters are so put out and acted that way. I thought, having this friend throw the shower would be easiest, since my sisters live in other cities and are quite busy.

Now I feel I've offended and caused animosity. I'm dreading the wedding festivities, as they'll all be together again.

Bridal Woes

Focus on the point of the wedding - which is marrying your beloved - not the Sister-Witches. Apologize to your good friend for their jealousy (they weren't in the limelight that day), but recognize that you did nothing to cause it. This dynamic obviously comes with your family history, not with your wedding.

Do NOT let these siblings hijack your happiness on your big day. Contact them ahead and discuss - with their input - what they're needed to do as members of the bridal party. If you get objections or attitude, ask what they prefer to do, and alert them that you'll then ask someone else to do what they've rejected... so there will be no surprises.

FEEDBACK In response to the woman who had problems finding child care in her home area, and commuted far to work (Nov. 10):

Reader - "I had the same issue when I had my first child. We lived in a remote area without lots of childcare options, and a long drive to work. I realized I could find lots more childcare choices in the city where I was working.

"So I drove in every day with my daughter, and dropped her off at a daycare near my office. That meant I was also nearby in case she got sick. It worked great while she was a baby.

"Of course, there's the possibility it wouldn't work so great when children are school age and need to go to school closer to home."

Sharing Experience

Thanks for showing how workable solutions can be found if you're flexible about what can be changed