We’ve been married 17 years; I’m 51, she’s 40. 

Despite going through a difficult time for several years, we only just started talking about our differences.

She said she fell out of love with me and doesn’t know what she wants.

Not knowing if I can make her love me again, scares me more than anything.

She’s willing to give this more time. I’m up to a huge challenge to make things the way they used to be.

We always put our kids first, and it puts a strain on our relationship, which will make it even harder for me to focus on our needs.

What else can I do, to make her love me again?

- Lost

Listen, confide, and listen again. 

It took way too many years for you two to open up… clearly, when she was at the breaking point, when she took you there too. Now you need to catch up on the kind of intimate communication you neglected.

Kids DO come first, but young ones go to bed early enough (or should) for you to ask about her day, and be encouraging about the things that interest her.

Also, create a “date night” once every two weeks at first, and take turns planning something you feel the other would enjoy.

Don’t pressure her for big romantic moments, but be ready to cuddle when the opportunity arises, and let Nature take its course.

Then talk some more, every day, about things you both care about, including the children.

My boyfriend of several months ended our relationship during a regular phone conversation. He suddenly said he wanted someone more like him; we were too different, period. I’m mid-30s; he’s 40. 

We’d had a good relationship, spoke about the future, had similar plans, wants and needs.

I’m shocked and devastated and cannot figure out where this came from and why. It’s also stunned my family, friends and even his friends and family.

I’ve tried contacting him through emails and a few phone calls, but have gotten no response.

I was happy in the relationship and was not planning on ending anything.

I don’t want to be without him, but don’t know what to do.

- Stunned in Toronto

Do nothing – no more contact; no canvassing his family and friends. 

This guy either 1) was struck by a thunderbolt of interest in someone else; 2) has been in touch with an ex and wants to re-connect; 3) got cold feet about the relationship when he wasn’t ready for a commitment. Whatever the answer, the wrong thing to do is pursue him.

Several months of dating is often not long enough to know whether the person you’re with is everything you think.

From his sudden turnabout, this guy sounds abrupt, unkind, lacking in respect and real caring for you. You’re lucky that he cut and ran in such a cowardly fashion – it says everything about him that you’d only have discovered much later.

My cousins and I don’t have a relationship as our parents often fought when we were growing up. Some are likeable; others carry the family resentments. 

Do I have to invite all if I want to see only a few?

- Selectivity

Size matters, when it comes to social invitations. Example: If you call up a couple of cousins to get together, that’s reasonable. But if you’re planning a big family wedding, be prepared to invite all or you’ll perpetuate the feuds.

I’m an independent woman, 28, with an advanced degree, a nice place to live and a job. I’m adventurous and energetic, but lonely. 

Twice recently, I’ve connected with a man, become friends, had a great date, and never heard from either again.

I’m not looking for “The One.”

My girlfriend said I might scare guys off - I can talk about anything, including sports. She suggested I reign it in somewhat.

- Unsure

Your friend hinted that you dominate the airwaves in conversation… reign it in with men and women, everyone likes to be heard. 

Neither of these guys were serious contenders, just new first-time dates. Maybe they were looking for a good listener.

There’s no harm in trying out new social skills, so long as you don’t play a role you can’t keep up. The right man will think you’re terrific; just give guys a chance to prove that they are, too.