My wife believed I was having an affair, which I wasn’t. She reacted badly by taking medications and was hospitalized. 

Recently, she said she’s confused about her feelings towards me and towards her ex (he’s very involved in their son's life).

I’d gone to a function within my ethnic community, and met an amazing woman. We talked, danced, kissed and I enjoyed the attention I’d been missing. The next day I confessed I’m married. We’ve been exchanging emails, but I won’t get involved, without ending things here first.

My wife has said that if I needed to do something else, she wouldn’t hold me back - but I don’t want to hurt her anymore than I have already. She’s been treating me differently, paying attention to me.

I’ve approached a local organization to get some counselling.

- Confused

You’re standing in front of two doors, without probing what’s inside. 

Door #1 -The “amazing woman,” is so far a one-night wonder; you have little knowledge of her true personality and character, and have yet to question why she was so easily attracted to a married man.

Door #2 - Your wife showed a strong reaction to the thought of your having an affair. And she’s treating you differently. This is a woman who wants to stay married to you.

Choose Door #3, to a counsellor’s office, and explore your need for more “attention.”

Perhaps you could have your wife join you in some aspects of your ethnic community, so you’d feel more connected to each other.

Perhaps you can be more involved with her son, if that’s an issue.

Drop the other woman, and learn more about yourself and your marriage.

My sister confided that her unemployed boyfriend takes her money and she can’t always get what she and her newborn need. 

Her boyfriend is not looking for work, doesn’t support her financially/emotionally/physically, and rarely has time for his new family.

He wants to move to another town. If he does this, she’ll move here, which will be welcomed.

I’m tired of helping her financially only for her boyfriend to waste the money on gas driving his own family around and feeding them.

He also gets easily upset with her, yet doesn’t lift a finger to help, and talks like my sister is the bad one.

How can my family deal with helping her, but ending up supporting him?

- Fed Up

The guy’s a deadbeat. He’s happy to have her relying on her family, and will always take advantage. 

Also, his short fuse is a signal of worse trouble to come.

Your sister needs some straight talk from whomever in the family that she respects. She must protect herself and her child, and she needs a support network.

The wise choice is for her to stay with you until she can settle nearby.

Meanwhile, try to give her goods - diapers, baby clothes, groceries – instead of much cash.

How do I deal with a difficult boss? She has no respect for me or my skills, though I’m good at what I do. I like my co-workers, the pay and benefits are good, and I have potential here.

- Bad Vibes

A good job is worth great effort: 1) Find solutions to department projects and bring them to her without seeking credit (keep a record, though). 2) Don’t consider her lack of praise personal, as that may just be her management style. Good work speaks for itself.

My boyfriend of three years and I plan to marry. 

Eighteen months ago he had a “reunion” with his ex that almost tore us apart. She kept contacting him. I asked him to end all contact, but he said they were just friends and it would be rude.

Today, I found a note saying that she still loves him and will keep waiting and hoping – though he replied that he doesn’t want to be with her.

How do I convince him to stop talking to her?

- Uncomfortable

His ex has changed the equation: They’re no longer “just friends,” as she’s clearly stated she’s out for more. That makes her a predator, who’s ignoring his relationship with you. By continuing contact, he’s ignoring your feelings, and encouraging her “hopes.” 

Explain all this, and say that his commitment to you has to be greater than his concern about rudeness to her.