I’m going through a divorce; my wife left the marriage, then committed adultery.
After learning of her infidelity, I recommitted myself to spirituality, working out and avoiding alcohol.
Sometimes I cry upon awakening, over her rejection of me.
I wanted to reconcile but you can’t make someone reconcile. She blames me for her cheating; I understand that both parties play a part in the failure of a marriage.
How do I avoid the early morning tears, and stop mentally re-living my every mistake?
How do I figure out a successful strategy to move on emotionally?

- Crushed in Chicago

You’re on the right track to a fresh perspective by living more healthfully. Once you deal with your depression, time will contribute to more healing.
Consider changing your sleep and waking patterns, to avoid the morning sadness: go to bed when tired, but not exhausted. Get a deeper sleep with blackout room blinds (or wearing an inexpensive sleep mask). Upon awakening, let in all the light, turn on music, and get right into your morning routine.
If the blues keep dragging you down, see your doctor.
“Mistakes” are for learning, not re-living. Be sure you understand what you need to change for any relationship; some “errors” with your ex may not be considered such by others.
Be with people – family, old friends - and meet new ones.
Don’t expect to be “over it” too fast: it takes at least a year to absorb the impact of a divorce. But you’ll still be moving forward.

My boyfriend and I are in our 50’s, together four years and have expressed love for each other.
During this period, he’s travelled several times yearly to his former state to visit the home of his ex-girlfriend, to see her family. He denies any intimacy or romantic connection.
Initially, he lied about these trips. Now, he gives me 12-hour notice.
He’s refused to let me accompany him. This continued relationship causes me great anxiety, mostly because he’s refused to introduce me to his “family.”
He ignores my phone calls when he’s visiting (only calling me on his schedule).
His phone records reveal he calls at least three times a week to the home his ex shares with her family.
I’ve told him that I’m considering a break-up. It hasn’t affected a change in his behaviour.
I no longer believe that this is an innocent, platonic relationship.

- Fed Up

I no longer believe him, either.
I DO believe that, among the tens of thousands of letters I receive, I can still recognize that you wrote me about this a couple of years ago. So nothing’s changed.
Get going, and leave him to try to fool someone else.

I used to take my dry-cleaning to a small business, and became friendly with the family. But I’ve moved far away so I now go elsewhere.
I recently bumped into the owner’s wife, and she purposefully snubbed me by catching my eye, shaking her head, and walking away.
Should I’ve kept going there, knowing that this small store/family depended on every customer, or was she just rude?

- Uncertain

She was harsh, but you missed a SECOND opportunity to speak up.
First, you should’ve alerted the owner to your move, asked if they’d deliver, showing some interest in continuing using their service.
In relationships like this, the proprietor usually has done favours, e.g. cleaning something needed in a hurry, sewing buttons, etc. It was only fair to give them a chance to continue.

I’m home with two youngsters, for now. I’ve lost my identity to my children and my husband. I want for nothing, yet feel I’m missing out.
My husband has no need for “date nights,” weekends away; nor for couples’ therapy. He doesn’t understand my anger and resentment. He thinks I should be physically affectionate, even if I’m exhausted.
I think I need counselling.

- No Longer “Special”

You haven’t lost your identity, you’ve added to it as a mom. But you’re still entitled to some choices on how you spend your time, and on what you ask for in your relationship.
Try to involve Hubby in helping you find solutions: e.g. consider what babysitting you can afford in order to take a weekly course, get to a gym, or pursue an interest.
Tell him you need energy and mental stimulation, to keep up your physical relationship (that’s usually a motivator for co-operation).