My parents divorced when I was 6; my mother and I moved back to my home country. Both parents remarried.
At 15, I was reunited with my father; we decided that it was best for me to move in with him.
His wife had a family – three children around my age (I’m now 22). I got along with my new siblings well, but constantly fought with my step-mom, involving physical and verbal abuse from her.
My father was working different shifts and absent at those times. He didn’t believe my accounts (she’d act really nice to me when he was around).
She knows how to hit and leave no bruises. I’d get yelled at and beaten for leaving books not in proper order, not working enough (a part-time job), etc. I escaped with drugs and alcohol.
After two years, I went from an A- to a C- student) and stopped using. Eventually I enlisted in correspondence school and started working full time. The abuse got worse; my siblings tried to help but were told to back off.
I finally moved out on my own and life has improved significantly. But today, every time I go visit, the past haunts me and we end up having nasty fights.
It’s hard and toxic for me to bear this burden.
Recently, my father said he thought of divorce but that “the next woman might be even worse.”
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

- Still Troubled

The “light” is in your own accomplishments and inner resources. You’ve surmounted reliance on drugs and alcohol; maintained relationships with siblings under tough circumstances; achieved independence. And, your father, in a subtle but unmistakable message, admitted his own difficulties with his wife, which validates your own.
Visit your siblings and father on their own, and avoid your step-mother. She may never apologize for her abuse, so don’t set that as a goal of false-closure.

Your emotional scars are real, but so are your strengths. Focus on your present and future – your work, developing friendships, and close relationships.
If you feel worried about the latter, individual counselling can help you get past the poor model of marriage and family life which you’ve experienced.

I’ve been separated for 6 years and have three children ages 6 to 15. I work full-time, study part-time, and don’t have much social life. I also don’t have any single friends.
Are there organizations or groups which cater to single parents and their children, for events or outings for all to enjoy? I’m tired of spending weekends alone when my kids are visiting their father.
I’m looking to build a network with other single parents where we can get together either with or without our children.

- Lonely Weekender

Many community centres, “Y’s” and faith organizations have events and programs for singles, including some with children and some without. You only have to ask around locally, and attend one, and you’ll be in a position to also help organize more such events, outings, etc.

Is it wrong to have a children’s nanny eat with the family? I’m expecting soon, and think I’d like to sit down at the table with my children, as they grow.

- Unsure

Two rules: 1) Always treat your nanny with respect, as a team member in assuring your child’s safety and well-being.
2) Decide what’s comfortable for you and your family, then make sure your plan for your nanny is comfortable for her.

I’m late 20s, intelligent and generally happy but not happy that I haven’t been in a relationship in three years. My only serious, lengthy relationship was seven years ago.
My last date was too long ago to remember.
At over 6’, I’m taller than most men I meet, which may be intimidating for many guys.
Is something wrong with me?
Do I need therapy, to get out more, or to lower my standards?

- What do I do?

Set your sights higher than on your height or self-blaming introspection.
Get involved in something that you always wanted to do, plus seek new adventures and challenges (river-rafting? step-dancing? whatever, you’ll meet new people).
Also, tell friends and family that you’re open to being set-up.
Get out for sociability with women and men – the broader your network and interests, the more chances for connecting with someone.
And stay optimistic, it looks welcoming.