My wife is having an affair, and she thinks I don’t know. But I know. And my whole family knows. How? Because my wife is having an affair with my cousin, who bragged about it to his brother. He wasn’t stupid enough to come right out and say her name, but he gave enough detail that his brother figured it out.

That cousin then confided in his sister to discuss what to do. They think their brother is a jerk anyway, so this just solidified their feelings. The two of them decided that I needed to know, because they love me and didn’t want to see me get hurt. But they weren’t sure what to do. So, they confided in my sister, with whom I am very close.

My sister wanted to call me immediately, but they insisted she take a breath. Meanwhile, while that was all happening, I was getting funky vibes from my wife – and a smell I recognized but couldn’t place (turns out that was my cousin’s cologne. He’s been wearing it since we were in high school). Then one day, while sitting in my front room, her phone connected to my laptop. She didn’t say anything wholly incriminating but enough that my Spidey sense was tingling.

I decided to confide in my sister and that’s when she told me what she already knew. Now we want to out these two cheaters in a very public way. Suggestions?

All I want for Christmas….

Your much longer letter gave me insight into your family (VERY supportive!) and your holiday traditions (fun and playful). Also, you sound certain that your marriage is over, you’re done, so whatever you do, the result won’t matter.

I think you can utilize an already existing tradition, which will allow everyone else to still partake. My understanding is that the person who walks in the door is blindfolded and placed under the mistletoe…. awaiting a kiss from the next person who walks in, no matter who it is. Normally, very cute and sweet!

In this case, you could try to plan it so that those two end up kissing, blindfolded of course. But the looks on their faces will be telling. And when they remove their blindfolds, you could give her the gift of divorce papers and show her out the door.

It’s not the nicest party trick, but you may feel some vindication…. Or you may end up feeling worse. Lean into your family and friends this holiday season. Once the explosion dims and the smoke dissipates, you may have a flood of emotions and need/want support.

I am late 70s and divorced about a decade. Over that time, I have had two relationships, and I’m grateful that while the second one didn’t develop into a romance, we remain good friends and companions.

From senior dating sites and personal conversations, I see that women want to fall head-over-heels in love. The few men I’ve talked to fall into two camps: those who have ceased interest entirely, and those, like me, who would like very much to have a special lady in their life. But the fellows see a relationship differently, as affection and dedication between two people, but they regard the “head-over-heels” notion as something more applicable to youngsters.

I read this on the Atlas Senior Living site: "Perhaps the most important realization is this: Love at this stage doesn’t have to look like it did in the past." On that point I wonder how to deal with that expectation.

Any advice?

Senior Love

There is no blanket response to your question. Some people, men and women alike, wish to fall deeply in love at any age. Others don’t. Try to find someone on your page.

FEEDBACK Regarding the solicited threesome (Sept. 13):
Reader – “I think the most salient point here is that this couple who were interested in the threesome didn't communicate this to the other couple ahead of time. How disrespectful to try and enlist the husband with his wife away on a business trip! If we were talking about a single woman who was friends with the couple and she invited the handsome husband over while his wife was away on a business trip.... I think we would place huge judgments on this type of behaviour. Are we somehow more forgiving of a couple?

“I would be suggesting that they look elsewhere for friendships.... not because of this couple's sexual predilections but because of their complete disrespect and betrayal of the wife who was away.”

Lisi – I agree. I mentioned that the husband “may feel unsafe in their presence…” And the wife was clearly disrespected.