Valentine’s Day is coming up (Lisi: I write my columns in advance), and I feel that it’s really in my face this year. The grocery store, the pharmacy, the dollar store – everywhere I go they’re promoting this holiday as though it’s as meaningful as Christmas.
The problem is…. I don’t have anyone to spend it with. When I was a little girl, my dad always brought me chocolate and made a special dinner for my mom and me (and my brothers). I’m not sure how my brothers felt about the day, but I know that my dad made me feel special and most importantly, loved.
In my late teens and early 20s, when I wasn’t seeing someone, my friends and I would always do a Galentine’s Day thing. Even some years we would do a brunch and then we’d all go our separate ways for dinner with our boyfriends, or family, or whoever.
This year, I’ve just turned 29, my parents are on vacation, my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago, and most of my girlfriends are coupled up. Those who aren’t (there are only two) have decided to go to a concert that unfortunately I have no interest in. So, I know I’m going to be alone and I’m stressed and sad.
And then everywhere I go, it’s in my face. How do I deal?
Vulnerable Valentine
I hear you. I have spent many a Valentine’s Day feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t – on that day, in that moment – have someone special to spend it with. But we must remember that it is just a Hallmark Holiday. In the scheme of things, it means nothing.
I’m a celebrator. I LOVE to celebrate anything and everything. So, I choose to embrace. You could too. Give yourself a budget and decorate your home in all things valentine’s. Wear red from the inside out (who doesn’t feel good in a red bra?!?).
You said your parents are away and the rest of your friends are coupled. And your two single friends are going to a concert that you don’t want to attend. You still don’t have to be alone ALL DAY. Make a festive brunch and invite everyone over. Some couples may come; some won’t. The girls could.
Do any of your friends have babies or small children? Offer to babysit so they can get a night out. Then make the kids a fun dinner and watch a silly movie. The point is, just as we dress, wear makeup, get our hair done FOR OURSELVES, so too should you celebrate this holiday. For you.
And if, at any point, you feel sad, that’s OK. You’re allowed to feel. And just remember that tomorrow (the 15th) the stores will be dressed for Easter.
I think Valentine’s Day is a consumer’s nightmare and I hate going out because everything is double the usual price. My girlfriend, however, is hoping that I shower her with all things Valentine and love.
What do I do?
Valentine Grinch
If money is your issue, I agree that you shouldn’t go out for dinner. So, turn your home into a romantic cozy vibe and cook dinner for your girlfriend. Candles, chocolate and food cost the same every day, though you may pay extra for flowers.
Put on romantic music, pour her a bubble bath, and join her while the food is in the oven (just don’t forget to set a timer!). You could put your feelings into a homemade card. Remember – it’s the thought that counts.
FEEDBACK Regarding the confused writer (Dec. 17):
Reader – “I am a straight, cisgender woman with a very beloved child-in-law who is trans and I am far from being an expert on trans issues. However, I do know that trans people present very differently in different stages of their journey and that different trans people have different goals - because each one of us experiences gender in our own way.
“Please look to the American writer, performance artist, and media personality Alok Vaid-Menon who is gender nonconforming and transfeminine and whose intelligent and compassionate work deals with violence against trans and gender nonconforming people. They wear very ‘feminine’ clothing while often maintaining a full beard.
“But how this ‘lovely’ woman that Confused wrote to you about looked or what her voice sounded like is irrelevant. What IS of concern is the touching. And the touching would be a concern no matter the gender identity of the persons involved.”