My older daughter, 29, is estranged from me without any obvious reason. We last spoke on Mothers' Day. I’ve left several messages, written twice and seen a therapist to help handle this.
She moved two hours away two years ago. I’ve never met the man she’s been with for three years. She has a good job and loved it.
My younger daughter, 26, phoned her, though they’ve never gotten along. It prompted a huge, explosive response. My older daughter was always jealous of her sister, though I’ve loved and treated them equally.
She’s very self-involved and has had several cosmetic surgical procedures. She did modelling courses, yet seems dissatisfied with herself.  
We’ve always had a conflicted relationship. I separated from her father when she was seven; the divorce was extremely difficult. My second husband and I had difficult times with her as a teen.
She increased contact with her dad in recent years. My ex-mother-in-law believes my daughter’s now anorexic. I'm very concerned for her physical and mental health. Her Dad thinks she’s fine and happy. Should I try to contact her again at Christmas or on her 30th birthday in January?
- Heartbroken Mother

This is one of those critical situations wherein a parent’s concern (and hurt) has to be tempered with the Wisdom of Solomon.
Your daughter’s chosen to identify with her Dad, so has “separated” from you. It’s not an uncommon path for adult children of divorce; nor uncommon for someone at a decade change – turning 30 – to test personal life changes, too.
She’s in touch with a parent and a grandparent and has a partner. She needs this time of emotional self-searching, just as she’s been identity-seeking for much of her life.
It may last longer, but won’t resolve from pressure or intervention. (If those close detect deterioration of her mental and physical health, then intervention IS warranted, by both parents.)
Keep sending upbeat messages and cards for all holidays, her birthday and in between. Do NOT send messages questioning her behaviour or complaining about her absence. This is when unconditional love is most needed. For yourself, continue to see a therapist for support.

My in-laws live very close to my husband, our baby and me. They constantly visit, want us to eat dinner/coffee together, have a ready answer for OUR issues. My husband tried to set boundaries. His mother reacted extremely badly, crying and saying I didn’t like her; she was only trying to help.
My husband feels moving would be "difficult" for him as we’re on family land. His uncles and cousins live close, too. Can we still live so close and have REAL peace?
- Exasperated in England

Living in a family compound can become stifling (especially to the outsider), yet the expression, “it takes a village to raise a child,” makes it worth trying … if the result could be a loving yet respectful community.
You and Hubby both need to take the steps to make this happen: YOU – talk to Mum directly, say you do like her, appreciate her help, but still need some privacy with her son and some independence in your lives.
TOGETHER – set clear boundaries for all relatives. They must call to ask about a visit; you and his parents should agree on a fairly regular family dinner get-together; the rest of the time belongs to your own small household.
If it doesn’t work, then move before “family land” becomes a territorial trap.

I'm graduating university, would love a career but my program hasn't been helpful. Throughout high school, I was constantly bullied - called ugly, fat, stupid, weird. I've lost weight, straightened my hair, polished my style, but I still don't feel confident.
I'm always helping my friends but I don’t feel their support. Also, whenever I apply for a part-time job I almost never get a callback. I'm not sure if I'm crazy or if there's something wrong with me.
- Anonymous, 21

Take charge of your life. It’s up to you to start volunteering in your field and seeking internships. You may need more courses to build towards a career.
Stop being the helpmate to those friends who aren’t reciprocating. Put the bullying in the past: You were strong enough to work on your outward image. Now reach for that survivor core within you, to push you forward.