For 17 years my husband's treated me as if he's the king: I clean, cook, take care of the kids. If I went to work, which he wouldn't mind, the house would fall apart. He phones, emails and travels to other cities to help people, but never asks me along.     
      He’s not a good role model: He yells and orders the kids, rather than ask. I have no family here, am experiencing menopause and pain due to aging and stress from the house.    
      I do construction, plumbing, gardening, shoveling, grass cutting. He doesn't respect the family, or me, the way that he respects even strangers.      
      He’ll not talk to me for months because he thinks that I haven't given guests enough salad, didn't offer drinks right away, etc. He’ll curse at me if he feels we haven't shown off enough.     
      My kids have disagreements with him over his anger and lack of respect for me. I don't want to fall into this deep depression because of him. I want to be respected as a human being, mother, and most importantly, a wife.
      - Fed Up

The house won’t fall apart without your constant efforts, but you might, if you don’t take action: Get a job and find a therapist. Even part-time work and/or volunteerism will get you out of the house, to avoid that depression you fear.    
      The therapist’s essential for helping you to start looking at your options. Is there any affection left between you? Does your husband soften his ways when he sees that you’re valued outside the home? These are the salient questions, prompting the possible solutions you need to explore, with professional help.    
      Meanwhile ... call a plumber, when needed, and tell His Highness you’re too busy looking for work that pays you in self-esteem.

My boyfriend of one year is a kind man. We’re both young and social, he lives an hour away, we’re both finishing our degrees. However, when we’re out with friends I feel like an intruder.    
      He ensures that his close female friends (single) are danced with and leaves me to mingle. I don't feel attention or desired when we’re with other people. He’s also not a phone person, but I need to feel his presence and feel comforted, yet we talk limitedly, and I feel insecure about our relationship.   
      My grad school’s even further away. Do I include him in my future? He’s not been supportive of my goals.
      - Confused

Your guy is immature and thoughtless. Kind to others but not you, is not the kind of “kind” you want in a relationship. See the question above and ask yourself what YOU want 17 years from now?    
      Sure, that’s extreme. And maybe if you discuss all this with him – including your concerns for the future – he’ll step up. If not, go to grad school as a single woman who knows she wants better than this.

Dear Readers: Here’s a thoughtful view from responses to my October 15 column regarding a colleague’s reaction to an office affair involving her friend and their manager:
      Reader - You should definitely go to Human Resources and ask for a transfer. Distance yourself from your friend and manager. You’re not an innocent bystander when you know so much.       
      You need not tell her friend, manager or HR why you want to transfer, but taking on new duties and responsibilities may actually help your career. You may as well watch the train wreck (of their affair) from a safe distance.

I’m in a relationship with a widower, who had a fabulous 35-year marriage; his wife died 3 1/2 years ago. He’s not mentioned the word "love" or endearments, even though I know he cares for me.         
      He’s asked me to be patient, but I need someone who loves me and maybe he can't, as there might be guilty feelings about moving on with his life. When he’s with his children and grandchildren, love flows. Should I keep waiting?
      - Unsure

Much depends on the length of your relationship and whether you feel insecure about its future. If you’re his first relationship since his loss, and it’s been over two years, he’s likely become very comfortable with things as they are.      
      The only way to shake things up, then, is to risk becoming distant and explaining why: You don’t know where this is going and you want reassurances of love and a future.