I met this guy through a dating website. We’ve been hanging out for four weeks. I’ve had sex with him (multiple times) but we also go out on dates and have fun, so I genuinely feel it's not just about sex.
I noticed that a girl calls him sometimes when we hang out, and they communicate often on social media. He added me on all these same social media sites so he isn't keeping her a secret.
I told him that I feel he’s leading us both on. He said that he likes her but that when he met me, he realized he didn't like her as much as he thought he did. He wants to see what happens getting to know me. And he doesn't want to hurt this other girl by completely cutting her off.
I continue to go out with him because I really like him. He knows that he’ll have to stop talking to her if we decide to become official. But it’s upsetting and hard to open up to him knowing he’s still communicating with her.
He spends all his free time with me so I don't know why he’s still talking to her. Sometimes when we’re apart and I see he’s communicating with her, I want to just cut him off. Yet I feel a real connection with him when we’re together.
Maybe he’s confused and needs to figure it out. I'm willing to give him time because I want him to be sure that he wants me.
I've never been in this situation before. We’re both in our early 20s.
Yes, he’s stringing her along.
Not wanting to hurt her is a weak excuse.
Unless he’s clueless, he must know that the longer he keeps up the same level of contact, the more she’ll think it’s more than friendship. And the more hurt she’ll be when he ends it.
IF he ends it.
You’re both still young, so although he clearly likes your company and the sex, he may not be interested in becoming “official.” Especially after only four weeks.
If you’re trying to rush this into a committed relationship for the long-term, this girl serves a nice purpose for him to stay “confused” as long as he can.
But if you want to make sure you’re not sharing a “boyfriend-for-now,” and not sharing the possibility of STD’s either, tell him this:
You do not compete for first string. If another girlfriend remains on the scene much longer, you’re gone.
Value that connection with your own self-worth more than a sometime-connection with him.
FEEDBACK Regarding the fed-up Grannie (Feb. 24):
Reader – “My mother was 80 when she ultimately made the decision. My ex-stepson was extremely ‘entitled’ (definitely got that from his mother). My mother got frustrated by his attitude and lack of thank-you’s. She then simply stopped including gift cards, but still continued to send cards.
“I knew about all of this and approved of her decision. A few years later, he realized and asked me why she had stopped including gift cards. I asked him when was the last time he said thank you and let his grandmother know he had received the gift, and appreciated it?
“Needless to say, my now ex-wife was none too happy with me either. Shortly thereafter, my mother called to let me know that the boy had suddenly started to acknowledge and thank her for the cards. He honestly thought he would start receiving gift cards again.
“But the damage was done. That ship had sailed. My mother never sent him a gift card again.”
Lisi – If the child is old enough to notice the missing gift card, he/she is old enough to say thank you.
My boyfriend and I are planning on going on a date this Friday. We had a date last Friday, and we've been texting all week.
He wasn't really romantic last Friday like he usually is, and he says he loves me, but I don't think he really loves me.
I think he’s cheating. Do you have any tips to help?
Either your intuition is excellent and you need to ask him directly whether he’s cheating.
OR, you’re easily given to suspicions (perhaps you’ve been cheated on in the past) and have leapt to a wrong conclusion.
Talk to him instead of guessing. If his response sounds false, say so.
If you’re confident that he’s playing you, take a break until he can convince you that he’s worth getting back together.
Tip of the day:
If he/she is stringing someone else along, you may be facing the same fate.