My husband recently confronted me about my cheating in the past, which I did admit. It got physical and he was arrested. We've decided to work things out, but it seems like he is punishing me on a daily basis, with his remarks on how much I've hurt him.
We're seeking counselling, and he's also getting anger management everyday, he only wants to talk about my wrongs and not his.
We've not had the perfect marriage, and he's been caught cheating twice, including with my sister. I have been able to move on from that.
It's only been a month, but I just don't know how much more punishment I can take. I know he's hurting from what I did two years ago, but it was before we were married.
I feel that if he said I'm forgiven, I shouldn't keep being punished for this.
You've had traumatic events compound the cheating itself - physical fight, police involvement, sex with Sis.... these don't just fade away.
Saying "I forgive" is an important start, but he's not so quick at forgetting. Nor are you, since you raise the sister incident despite saying you've "moved on."
Get to counselling right away. Don't wait too long, and don't think his anger management is enough. You both don't know how to deal with problems as a couple. Until you learn strategies for that, with professional help, you'll keep blaming each other for what happened in the past and whatever goes wrong now and in the future.
My niece is a young 30, by which I mean she can't seem to stick with her own decisions. She's up and down about whether she's in the right field of work; whether this boyfriend or that is The One, whether to chuck it all and spend a year traveling, go back to school, etc.
I'm the go-to person in the family for long-term planning.... the role of the so-called Wise Uncle. But with this niece, the constant roller coaster of desires, dreams, disappointments, and general restlessness has me tired of listening and offering my advice.
So I'm asking you... how do I get this young woman to stick to her own plan?
You don't focus on the plan, but rather on her feelings. She's restless for a reason... perhaps her job/field is boring and it's wise for her to take a break.
If she can afford travel and starting over when she returns, that's one choice she can make. If money's tight, it might be better for her to upgrade through further education.
As for The One, if she's unsure of one guy after another, she's not met him yet... or she lacks confidence in herself.
You're a kind and caring uncle, but she has to take responsibility for her own decisions, based on her own feelings. If these keep changing, she'd do well to talk to a therapist and try to boost her belief in her own ability to make choices.
Is a dog a good idea for a Christmas gift? My girlfriend's dog which she had for seven years, died a week ago. I know it's soon, but I heard of a good breeder where I can get a puppy right away.
The choice of a dog is emotional, and especially personal after a beloved pet has died. It's too soon to spring this well-meant surprise on her. Save the idea for Valentine's Day, after seeing if she's ready then, and learning her puppy preference.
I've known a boy, four, in my daughter's class since he's born. His mother works full-time and has a habit of writing email thoughts or responses late at night, hurriedly.... they always have a sharp tone.
She's written that her son said I hit him, hard. Actually, he was picking his nose as he walked ahead of me when I took my daughter to class. I gently touched his shoulder and said, "don't pick your nose, dear."
How should I respond to his mother's harsh email which insinuated that I physically hurt/assaulted her son?
Call her. Say you're sorry he told her the incident that way and then describe exactly what happened. Do not comment on her email tone... you already know this is her style, and she had every right to make the inquiry of you.
Despite your good intentions, it's best to never touch another's child, except to save them from harm.
Tip of the day:
When both sides have cheated, the relationship needs professional help to survive.