I've met the man of my dreams... I'm 46, he's 51, and we're both head over heels in love. Everything's wonderful, except for his best friend.

I can count on one hand how much time we've spent alone these past months, without his buddy or buddies. His best friend's an alcoholic who's always drunk and extremely offensive and combative.

He's embarrassing in public as he uses profane language, and sometimes directs it at me. Recently, my partner and I went to a nice restaurant for an intimate dinner alone. My boyfriend received a call from his buddy saying he was on his way there. He arrived intoxicated, and loudly, repeatedly, used the "F" word. I was mortified. He continued to drink more wine and then drove home!!

I only see my boyfriend once or twice weekly as we live in different cities and are both full-time single parents. I'm starting to feel that I'm dating them both! My boyfriend usually makes excuses for him (e.g. "he hates being alone"') but last night he was as upset as I was. I don't want to hand out ultimatums but am at a loss.

The Fifth Wheel

Everything's NOT wonderful. You need to address the "buddy problem" together. Your boyfriend's enabling this alcoholic by putting up with his drunken company, setting no limits on when he can intrude in your life as a couple, and allowing him to drive when drunk.

In many jurisdictions, there'd be legal liability for not taking away his keys, against the restaurant that served him. And a case could possibly be made against you two, who knew he was too drunk to drive.

Reality Check: Be sure to get to know your boyfriend better before making long-term commitments. He's not strong on setting boundaries, and this might impact later, regarding other people in his life.

My daughter-in-law, 23, works as a dentist's assistant. She's very loyal and works very hard. He initially promised her a raise after six months. It's been two years and he always has an excuse not to give her one.

Several other girls work there. One falsified the time clock and also uses the petty cash for her own benefits. He gave her a raise and has given some of the other girls' raises. He's verbally mean to my daughter-in-law.

However, her work is five minutes from home. He gives her time off, if needed. She loves her job and her co-workers. Should she quit or stay?

Needs Direction

She's weighing the so-called benefits (but how can she "love" the girl who cheats?) against her feeling of being passed over.

At some point - hopefully soon - she'll start to value her self-worth more. His verbal abuse should NOT be tolerated. She needs to look around quietly to see if there are other dentists in the general area. She must ask for a reference from this dentist (saying it's "for the future"... even reasoning with him that if he won't increase her salary, she at least deserves a reference letter as security).

Then, she has to snap back when he verbally abuses her, and say that it's unprofessional and unacceptable. And walk out the door.

Tell her. But know that the timing is hers.

Note: she should keep a record of his abusive statements as well as his false promise. If things get nasty or difficult, she should file a complaint with the local dentists' association and the area's Labour Relations board.

My sister-in-law goes into a tailspin over anything I say. If it's about my husband, she thinks I'm hinting he was raised badly. If it's about my kids, she thinks I'm putting her kids down, saying she's done everything wrong. I can't do anything right with her. I invited her and her kids to my family's cottage for a weekend and she told everyone it was to show off and control everything.

Fed Up

She's VERY jealous of you, and so she works hard to put you down... to herself and others. This may be part of a whole negative character, or about you alone. Either way, you can't "change" her.

So change your reaction. Rise above it, avoid confrontation, and don't expect to become close girlfriends. Example: You tried the cottage treat, she blew it, don't invite her again. If she asks why, say you heard her comments. Then change the topic, no second chance.