I’m on the brink of separation from my beloved wife of 35 years.
I run a small business and was always home by 9 pm. Yet my wife accused me or suspected me of almost every women I came across. Partly, it was caused by my mother-in-law who was hitting on me and creating drama by telling my wife she suspected me with different women.
Things got worse after my wife stopped working four years ago. We fought often regarding her suspicions. She’d then give me the silent treatment - for days or even months. It led to my betraying her five times.
My biggest mistake was confessing about those one-night stands; the worst involving a lady employee of mine. I let her go soon after.
That was 18 months ago, and my wife’s still angry.
After two months of her silence, I moved out to cool things down.
Recently, she ran into me with a lady who I’ve been seeing since I left home; she’s filed for divorce.
I still love her and want to be back together. What should I do?
Family therapy hasn’t helped.
I’m trying to be more romantic towards my wife.
- Pushed to Betray
Though your situation has been difficult, and your eventual betrayal unsurprising, it’s put you on the same level as your wife of being in the wrong.
Since you’re the one who wants to re-connect, apologize. Use every romantic gesture you can muster – send flowers, speak of love, take her out to dinner and to things she’d be interested in seeing. Say that you miss her terribly, that no one could ever replace her in your heart.
All the energy you put into this will still be less than what it takes to start dating strangers, so give it your all IF you’re sincere and can truly promise to never consider straying again.
There are several men in my life - colleagues, potential dates, casual acquaintances, practical strangers - who accost me to talk, and usually it’s about themselves. They’re incapable of getting the subtle cues most of us use to graciously end a “conversation.”
I feel like these people take me hostage.
Some of these individuals are notorious in my social circles and all of us women are at a loss - how do we escape without being rude?
I know that the men’s selfishness is rude in itself, but my friends and I would like to find a way to end these monologues without making anyone uncomfortable.
- Trapped
Can’t handle male windbags?
What about self-centered women who talk too much, how do you deal with them?
I’m detecting reverse self-interest from you and your friends, since you share the odd belief that you have to react differently toward talkative, conceited men, when all it really requires is being equally firm but polite with anyone.
The concern about “potential dates,” is what especially suggests some misguided attempt to still keep these guys on the hook.
Yet, if you really think the guy’s a self-centered bore, there’s no reason to date him, so cut off the chat with a brisk, “I have to be going, now.”
As for self-absorbed, strangers bending your ear, the same response is appropriate.
That leaves only colleagues as a real concern, and here too, some polite excuses are all that’s needed, as in “I’ve got to get back to work now,” repeated as often as needed.
I’m planning to relocate within a year of my marriage, and therefore don’t wish to receive gifts which are bulky and need re-packing.
Can I have the invitation card say, “No boxed gifts, please,” or is that considered too rude?
- Practical Bride
It’s too confusing and will therefore be interpreted by some guests as rude. Some won’t know whether to hand you unpacked, unwrapped items (awkward), or if you’re purposefully putting them in a position to only give cash (presumptuous).
Instead, choose between writing something like, “We appreciate your understanding that since we’re moving far, please, no non-transportable gifts;” OR, having someone phone around to organize a choice of group gifts to which people can contribute if they wish; OR, you acting grateful and gracious about anything you’re given, and getting some friends and family to help you re-pack bulky items (my preferred choice, as it’s neither rude nor presumptuous).
Tip of the day:
If you respond to suspicions with betrayal, you have to recognize that you’re both flawed and need to re-connect from scratch….if possible.
Site by Lush Concepts