I love my live-in girlfriend of one year, but she keeps in contact with a former hometown lover, though I’ve repeatedly expressed discomfort. She knows I have trust issues from a previous relationship. 

She’d plan to meet him when she occasionally visited her parents, but didn’t, mainly because I went with her. She once text-ed him, “Hi Sexy,” not realizing I saw. She said she’d text-ed me, finally admitted she’d written him only “Hi.”

She’s since convinced me that my mind was playing tricks. I suggested counselling for my trust problem but she stopped talking to him, so I didn’t go.

She’s going home soon and I noticed an IM (instant message) on our computer, saying they have to get together “for dinner or something.” Since I can’t make the trip, I asked if she was planning on seeing him, and she said no.

She’s supported me through a lot, but I’m at a loss at what to do. I hope I’m overreacting.

- Uncomfortable

You’re overreacting. Lots of old friends/lovers stay in occasional contact without being unfaithful to a partner. However, you’re both handling this poorly. 

She should meet the guy when you ARE with her, so he sees her as part of a couple and you can observe their platonic connection. She should NOT see him secretly.

But it’s apparent that your attitude and checking up have made her afraid to be open.

Your “trust issues” shouldn’t dominate your ability as a couple to discuss how to handle this. The past was then, this person you love is now. Work with her.

My mother-in-law lives two blocks away, drives by and drops in anytime she sees our cars parked. I’ve learned to accept it. 

We’ve bought a second investment property (we’re mortgage-free). She noted I wasn’t working one day and commented I’d already had Friday off. True, I try to work 4 days weekly, to avoid my recurring stress headache.

Her question bothered me. I know she thinks the less I work, the more my husband has to work. We’ve never asked her for financial help.

She’s earned minimum wage all her life, working 2-3 part-time jobs, but I have a decent paying job.

My in-laws are very nice but she’s too nosy. How can I get her off my back without upsetting them?

- Annoyed

“Very nice in-laws,” are worth your adjusting to small annoyances. 

MIL’s financial concerns come naturally from her long years of a different experience, and it’s much harder for her to change her perspective, than for you to respond differently.

1) Don’t put your imagined meaning on her comments… she may be just as worried about you as about her son, thinking you’ll get fired or earn less by missing a day’s work.

2) Have your husband reassure his mom that your situation is very secure, or else you wouldn’t be mortgage-free and own investment properties.

Considering how fortunate you are, surely you’d help ease your own stress headaches by lightening up about his mom. You accepted living close by, which left the door open to seeing your lifestyle. When the questions are too personal, change the topic, or send Hubby in to run interference.

My wife never says “thank-you” for any gift. She only grudgingly accepts it. It’s very hurtful.

- Thankless

Tell her. Explain that you’re expressing love, while she’s expressing rejection. Suggest that you buy each other gifts that you agree on ahead, or nothing, or discuss a bigger problem.

My (new) fiancé and I agreed to not set a date yet, because we want to move back East first, and to save for a wedding, without carrying my student debts along. Also, my grandmother recently passed away and I need time to finish my own grieving and my family’s. 

However, friends and family are constantly bugging me about setting a date, saying that otherwise it’ll never happen. I fear its effect on us before we even start planning.

What can I do to stop feeling frustrated and angry?

- Not Rushing

Practice your strength as an independent couple; you’ll need it throughout decisions from wedding party choices to what colours to paint your next home. 

But if you let your “critics” get to you this easily, every choice will be questioned, and arouse frustration, anger and worse - self-doubts.

Together, calculate a personal deadline for setting the date, and stick to it.