A year ago, my wife lost her cousin in a tragic accident; this caused her to reexamine her life. She said she was miserable and wanted a break. It lasted over six months during which she repeatedly said she didn’t know what was going to happen in our relationship.    
      She and our daughter were living with her parents until she made a decision. I decided to sell the house, because I felt that if the stress of having a house was too much, I was willing to live with her parents too. But soon after the house was sold, she said she wanted a trial separation.    
      After months of anger and resentment on both sides, she was served with legal separation papers but said she couldn’t sign them and was having doubts. After many good conversations, I’m starting to see some light but still keep hearing that she needs time and doesn’t want to mislead me.    
      Also, her business has failed and she needs time to focus on that part of her life. I still love her and, since we have a daughter, I feel we should both make the effort to build a new relationship?
      - What To Do?

You’ve got the right idea but you’re missing a partner who’s agreeable to looking forward. Your wife is blocked from this by the shock of sudden loss and a resulting fear of the future. She needs grief counselling that deals with unexpected tragedy.    
      Her new uncertainty is more about herself and mortality than about you. BUT, she needs your strength of purpose and confidence in your ability to have a life together again.    
      Tell her you love her, will help her make new plans regarding her work life but believe you must operate as a couple living together. Delaying and dithering aren’t healthy for your child, or for her ability to get past her insecurity.

My friend of 10 years has always been negative. Then her husband was diagnosed with cancer. For several months I saw her 4 or 5 times daily. I arranged friends to get together with her, made phone calls for her updating everyone on her husband’s condition, etc.    
      Yet I learned that she told others I did nothing to support her. I was really hurt and avoided her though she lives nearby. We finally met last June and she raised how I hadn't been there for her, how she felt left out and hurt that none of her friends listened to her when she was so depressed, etc.    
      She forgot we were involved until we were drained emotionally.  I countered that she should focus on all the positives - her husband’s regained health, a fabulous family, successful life and business - because no one could handle her negativity anymore.  
      Ellie, was I wrong?  We’re all in our 50s and I’ve never had a friendship that was so much work, or so melodramatic.  How should I have handled it, or handle it going forward?
      - Second Thoughts

Do the math: How much have you enjoyed this friendship? How much does her negativity bug you? She’s unlikely to change much, despite your wake-up speech. For some reason, you put up with her personality for 10 years, yet you still worry about how to deal with her.  
      Since I hear some concern for her feelings, I suggest you carry on, with a less-intense connection UNLESS she badmouths you further, or continually lays guilt trips on you about the level of your involvement with her.

My daughter and her husband, both mid-30s and professionals, are always late for family events. I tell her that dinner at my place is one hour early, so they’ll only then be somewhat late. But when they receive another family member’s invitation, they’re often up to two hours late, missing the meal, or the wedding ceremony, whatever.     
      It makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed as everyone mentions it to me as if I failed to raise her to be polite and punctual … yet I’m always early!!
      - Clock-watcher

You’re not her minder, Mom. The couple are adults and responsible for their own social graces or lapses. They undoubtedly both make it through their professional lives on time and perhaps feel social events are their chance to relax a sense of urgency. In some cases, like wedding ceremonies, it’s considered rude … but that’s their reputation, not yours. Brush off others’ comments with, “Well, I’M here.”