My girlfriend of several years moved a year ago, across the ocean to where her family lives.
I’m considering moving there, eventually to marry her and start a family.
However, my entire family’s here in North America, and because of my Asian culture, “leaving them” won’t be easy.
How do I consider what’s my best course of action, and if moving is worth it?
We love each other, but she’s refused to move back.
It’s about what you believe you can handle. Giving up the woman you’d otherwise marry may be harder than moving on from your parental base.
Millions of people stay connected with family through travel, Skype, online.
She decided that she needed her family support system nearby, when considering marriage and raising kids. The move may also have been related to her work.
You, too, must consider how easily you’ll get a job there.
So look clearly at some practical issues but know the strongest determinant is the emotional – love for a life partner or attachment to family’s cultural attitudes.
And whether the family can adapt better than you realize.
Six months ago I had to relocate to a neighboring country for my job. Two years prior, I’d become involved with a man who was half out of his marriage.
My heart took over my mind. I've never had such a connection with anybody.
Three days after I moved, his wife found out about us. A month later, he moved out and into my vacant house.
He visited me a few times in my new city and it seemed a dream.
Meanwhile, his wife started self-destructive behavior, which affected their son, 14, who began having issues at school.
His father moved back home, left again after a month, visited me again. One month later, he moved back home for good saying it was because of his son.
I can’t stop crying and have slid into a black hole. I'm all alone here with no friends and support system.
She watches every move he makes; he's not allowed to talk to me, unless it's about my house (he looks after it).
However, he kept all my/our pictures on his phone and hasn't unfriended me from FB. She posts pictures of them together, knowing I'll see them.
I don't think he’s happy at all but I'm very confused about everything. Was it all a lie? Sometimes he brings up good memories that break my heart when I think about them. How do I move on?? How can I return home, knowing he'd be so close to me?
Devastated and Alone
Don’t be alone more than necessary. Invite a close friend or relative to visit – someone who’ll let you vent and cry till you’re done.
Then make friends… at work, at a gym, some interest group, and don’t vent. Do new things; focus on the new city, and what it has to offer.
Talk to a counselor. That’s where you can air out all the details and confusion, and get professional help to move forward, since that’s the only healthy, practical, self-empowering option you have.
It wasn’t a lie. Your lover hadn’t calculated the impact of a break-up on his son, especially if his mother isn’t emotionally stable.
He may leave again when the boy is past his vulnerable teens. Or not. You can’t spend your life waiting. If you see him in the future, you’ll have to remember that your life is the one you have to protect.
I’m 15 and had this guy over to my house whom I’ve liked all this year.
He told me he loved me even though we aren’t dating. He’d kissed me months ago.
But this time we went farther. We made out and kissed. He said he’d text me, but didn’t.
I texted him and he never responded. I’m nervous because he has a reputation for using girls.
I’m scared he used me, too, and now is done with me.
Want Him Back
The thing you should be scared of is wanting to be with a “user.” You know his reputation, and he was wrong to not respond to a text after making out with you.
You are worth more than that! Tell yourself this every day.
Avoid guys who foolishly say (and are lying) that they love someone, don’t date them, but move on to make out with someone else.
Tip of the day:
Should you choose Love or Cultural Obligations? It depends on what you can handle emotionally.