My boyfriend of over two years and I met as students. Soon, his school demands limited our time together. I was working part-time, paying rent and bills, supporting my sister (my parents are experiencing financial crisis) and studying. I needed his support and felt terribly alone.

But he didn't have time and patience to listen. I tried to break up but he insisted he'd prioritize our relationship more.

Though his parents pressured him to attend specialist school elsewhere, he decided to stay closer to me.

Now, he's finally working full-time but lives two hours away from my parents' home (they're conservative). He's complaining about the cost of hotels when he visits. His parents are extremely controlling and wanted me to become a housewife and take care of him!

I cannot just move for him and lose my career. They called my parents saying I'm not right for their son. Now we can't even talk on the phone without worrying about his parents walking into his room.

I love him and he wants to propose soon. But I don't think it's a good idea. When he speaks to his parents or friends, he changes his mind about "what's better for our relationship."

We tried couples therapy together, didn't work. I've realized how much I really love him and am willing to do for him (relocating, living with him, etc.) But, nothing's enough. I don't know what to do.

Getting Depressed

Take a break. You've both faced much personal pressure and growing responsibilities. Life's normal challenges plus interfering people have muddied the picture.

Six months apart will give you breathing space and time for reflection about the essentials for which you're willing to compromise.

If you re-connect, get engaged immediately, stand up to critics, and end your own inconsistencies. Either you're willing to re-locate, or not. And he needs to stop listening to others about your relationship.

My husband's father passed away five years ago. My mother-in-law, whom I love, is still young. She recently confessed that a male we'd met as her "friend," is really her boyfriend. He moved in with her immediately after leaving his wife.

My husband refuses to talk to her about how upset he feels. I understand where both parties are coming from. How do I get both people past the hurt, to move on with our lives?

Caught Between

Listen to your husband's feelings - he needs to vent as part of his grief and letting go of the past. It's not uncommon that events years later bring back the hurt of a loss.

But sometimes, without pressure, ask some gentle questions.... How did he think his mother would live out her life? Would he want to be alone for years on end? Does he want to always be responsible for her? Is it not better for her to have a caring partner?

You might also tell him that it's widows and widowers who had happy marriages who often re-marry sooner than those who didn't.

Listen, too, to your MIL and support her right to have a partner. But here, too, gentle questions are in order. You want to help her examine whether this man is there for the long-term or was "escaping" from an unhappy union, through moving in with her when she was vulnerable.

Tell her to give her son time, and, when they talk, to assure him that her life with his father was all that he remembers, and this relationship today doesn't change that.

FEEDBACK Regarding the single woman who was worried about not ever finding someone to date (September 22):

Reader - "You can tell her that decent guys like me are also out there and looking, but have much the same problems she has, so she's not alone.

"You can always give her my contact info! Though that probably violates confidentiality agreements."

A-You're quite right, I won't give out contact information, as readers have full assurances of confidentiality when they write me for advice.

But I'm glad that you confirm my own often-stated belief that there are men and women alike out there, equally interested in real relationships and not just in careless "shopping" for sex or drama.

It's also worth repeating what I wrote - that enjoying your single life as fully as possible is very important, since an enthused and active person attracts others, while a needy, negative one pushes people away.