I discovered that my husband of 32 years was lying to me about smoking. I've had cancer and am careful about my health, so he kept it from me.

Whenever I smelled smoke on him he said it was from his co-workers. Now that I know, he doesn't smoke around me, but he reeks when he comes home.

He used to shower immediately upon return, but now he doesn't, and our house smells like an ashtray. He gets hurt and offended if I complain about it so I try not to bring it up.

While I love him deeply, I can't imagine staying forever with a smoker or having my house smell. He has no intention of quitting. Am I crazy to leave over this?

Smoked Out

Try something else, first. It IS possible to stop smoking, but he has to want to do it, enough to find an approach he can handle.

Meanwhile, speak to your doctor about your increased exposure to second-hand smoke and ask if it's particularly dangerous in your case, e.g., if you had lung cancer. Your husband would need to hear from the doctor himself if it's crucial that you live smoke-free.

Also, you could both consider some compromises, e.g. his agreeing to shower and change immediately, and keep his work clothes in a separate cedar-lined closet.

But if he shows no interest to deal with this, find out the cost of renting a place you like nearby, show him the bill, and talk about "dating" each other only if he wears non-work clothes to visit you. Explain that a divorce could be even more expensive.

I'm divorced, with one teenager and recently moved in with my elderly parents - more to assist them as their health's deteriorating.

Among three siblings, I ended up driving our parents to appointments, running errands, and doing household chores. It became easier to move in.

I also had some debt so not paying rent helps - although I buy the groceries, make the meals and pay my share of the bills. But my married siblings keep asking them for money. One sister and her husband talked them into a large line of credit so the couple could make large property investments. Years later, this family lives lavishly, while the credit line's at its limit.

My brother also talked my parents into co-signing a large line-of-credit but regularly asks for extra large sums. When I question my parents' loans, they deny and/or get very angry, threatening to throw me and my daughter out. My siblings also lie and say I'm "mooching" off my parents.

I'd like to hang in to pay off my debt and afford my daughter's University education. How can I handle this situation?

Disheartened

You can't have it both ways - staying with family for your needs, and then questioning the others', especially when your parents see things differently.

Your only choices are to stay and accept their right to do as they please, or leave. Be prepared that, if you stay, paying off your debt will still be emotionally "costly." You'll be first on call as they need you more, and your siblings will still think you're getting a free ride.

Frankly, if the tension and criticism worsens, you'd do better for yourself and be a better role model for your daughter, by getting out. A bright girl will still get to University, but she'll have more sense of independence and self-esteem from you showing how to take charge of your life.

My friend's mad at me for flirting with her ex-boyfriend. I have my own boyfriend and I'm head over heels for him. Nonetheless, my friend's still mad at me.

I've known her ex for a very long time and have only known her for a while. Should I talk to her about what happened? But flirting is just my nature.....

Confused!

Nice try. You excuse yourself with "just my nature" but you know very well that flirting with a friend's ex is a no-no. It has nothing to do with how long you've known him. It has to do with how she feels about the guy and the break-up, and all the raw feelings people are left with after a relationship ends.

Try the shoe on your foot: If you lost this guy you're crazy about, are you comfy with your own girlfriends then flirting with him?

Apologize.