We went out for two years during high school then she started hanging out with a lot of guys. She even got a boyfriend; I couldn’t handle my emotions and cried to her constantly. They broke up but it never worked out for us. 

I’m stuck. When she gets drunk she calls and says she loves me, we sometimes get it on.

I hurt her when we were going out by not being there for her. She made her family and friends hate me for it. But she cares a lot about me; and I can’t move on to nobody else because she has this curse on me.

I still can’t stand that her many guy friends are so touchy with her.

I’ve slept with other girls but still wait for her to call.

- “Stuck,” In Vancouver

You’ve both learned little since high school about mature relationships. You were clearly too young to “be there for her” back then, and now all you know how to do is sleep around, and go crying back to her. 

Meanwhile, she’s still content to spread her affections to many male friends.

Unless the two of you grow up enough to make a fresh start, put the past behind you, and not care about what others think, you’re not going to make it as a committed, exclusive couple.

Frankly, neither of you appear to be ready for this much personal change.

My son, 16, is living with his pregnant girlfriend, 15. He says he’s the father but it’s her second pregnancy, the first time she’d been seeing my son for two months (SHE WAS 14). 

I met with her family and discussed future prevention: I bought my son condoms. I even said I’d buy the girl birth control pills.

Her mom is a total flake who’s absolutely against birth control, yet she’s allowing them to live together. She’s even implied that her ex (the girl’s father) had sexually abused his daughter when she was little.

This girl has previously put her mom in jail and has lived in foster homes. Now, she’s living with mom in her grandmother’s basement, and knows the ins and outs of social services, and where she can get money.

My son was brought up in a good home, played sports, had great friends, is an A student.

I don’t condone what he’s done but this girl is very manipulative and way smarter at all this. He says he loves her and that she needs him. He does the grocery shopping and chores around her place. He feels responsible for “saving” her.

WHAT CAN I DO TO SAVE HIM?!!!

- Horrified

I’m horrified as well, that you don’t acknowledge that there’s a baby coming, who’ll need more attention than your son. 

Enough lamenting about how responsible and wonderful he WAS, and help him deal with his responsibilities NOW. You can be a positive force in the baby’s life by helping both these young people prepare for the birth and learn about infant care and child rearing. They’ll need health care information, a parenting course, and a network of caring support, which should include you.

Your son can still continue his studies over time, and needs encouragement, rather than harsh judgments.

The relationship may not last forever, but your son’s child will always be a presence. Be consistent with the good mothering you previously provided your son, by responding to his greatest need for your understanding at this time.

When first married, we lived in the same village as my husband’s parents. Since we moved 30 minutes away, for more opportunities for our kids, his parents call often everyday, and insist we visit often (during which my parenting skills are constantly questioned).  

I’d love for us to spend time with my siblings (parents have passed) but we never get to; his parents “guilt” my husband about his father’s poor health.

- Seeking Privacy

Set a schedule of manageable visits (e.g. bi-weekly), make it clear what they can expect, and stick to it. 

Allot one other half-day or evening that hubby visits them alone. Have him set a once-daily phone time (once daily), and insist that you’re both too busy for frequent calls, unless in an emergency.

Visit your siblings on the off times, or have them over to see you.

You’re looking for connection, not privacy… and so are his parents.