I've been with my wife for 14 years and until last year everything was fine. Then I met a co-worker, and we get along great; we've had great outings with him and his family.

He's told me he has feelings for me and I believe I'm having feelings for him. How do I know for sure if what I'm feeling is true? If so, how do we break it to our families and co-workers... or should we keep it to ourselves?

Confused and Scared

You're in an unfamiliar zone pitted with landmines, so go slowly and carefully. At work, insist that you both keep this attraction to yourselves, so that it doesn't get to your families before you come to terms with it.

If you've never been involved with a same-sex partner and never had such feelings before, you need to ask yourself, why now? It's possible you've been a repressed gay male, but it's also possible there are other factors at play, which you can best probe with a professional therapist.

You may think that's a bother, expensive, etc., but I assure you that you'll benefit from guidance in deciding for sure whether you're ready to develop a gay relationship, inform your wife and possibly leave her, inform family and friends, and become open at work.

BUT, there's also your personal happiness to consider for the long-term, and if you're gay, it's not something you'll now be able to ignore.

Yet your friend may be trying to influence you at a time when, for whatever reason, you're vulnerable to experimentation. Since it involves a risk to your marriage, and a health risk to your wife if you're not practicing safe sex, you need to stop being "confused and scared." Get help to think this through.

My boyfriend and I love each other, but sometimes have our quarrels and he always needs to be right. He'll never apologize; he keeps defending himself over and over, especially when he IS at fault.

Many of our fights revolve around his being way too controlling over me. He'll forbid me to see my friends too often, and doesn't want me to go elsewhere except to spend time with him at his place.

Also, he hates my parents so he never comes over, leaving me to visit him all the time. As a result, I barely get to spend time with my family. I feel really restricted and controlled as to where I can go and what I can do, but I guess I've grown used to it so I don't really mind.

I'm happy with him right now but, despite that, I just don't know if this kind of relationship will endure forever. Or is it unhealthy (for me, at least)? I love him so much that I just can't let go. How should I go about in dealing with this issue?

You call this "happy?" You sound like an emotionally beaten woman, and that's just while dating and not even living together!

You've become co-dependent with him - he's the control freak and you're the needy object he orders about. Meanwhile, he's isolating you from family and friends, whose support you're going to need most when this guy goes too far. And he will, because you let him.

Get a grip. Save yourself by dumping him. If you don't believe me, try going where you want... but have a backup safety plan with someone nearby if your guy gets nasty.

My daughter, five, attends an activity program. She reports with giggles how her friend there has decided they must "kill" another girl in their group. The friend dreams up methods, like they'll "stuff her down the toilet."

Though I'm appalled, I calmly ask questions and get her thinking about how mean this is, how she'd feel if someone wanted or tried to hurt her, etc.

Should I talk to the other mother? They're so young and really don't understand the true consequences.

Uncertain

Assuming the program is supervised by someone responsible, ask her/him to break up the twosome when they're chatting together, get them mixing with others, and not excluding or bullying that girl.

Talk to the mother, without actually blaming her child. Both of you should keep a watching brief on your kids' imaginations, limit this friendship, and be clear with the children about the real consequences of their imagined behaviour.