I am on a sports team with 10 other women. We practice twice weekly and play once a week, so we’re together three times a week. We have been together as a team for a few years, with some movement, of course - people leaving and new people joining. We have a lot of fun together and often grab a drink or a bite after either a practice or a game.
Recently, I’ve felt some animosity from one of the other players. She’s rude to me in person and in our group chat, and often has side chats with the other women, excluding me from information. I’ve reached out to her privately to ask what’s going on, but she replies with curt denial.
How do I deal with this situation?
Unfriendly Teammate
You can recruit another teammate, preferably your closest ally, explain the situation and ask her to keep an eye out. If she sees what you are feeling, then you know it’s not your imagination. It’s just validating to have someone who supports you.
The next time this woman is rude to you in front of others, call her out. Say something like, “Hey Paula, I’m not sure why you’re being rude to me but that’s not what the team is all about. If you have a problem with me, say so and let’s discuss it.”
She’ll either get right into it (doubtful) or she’ll feign ignorance. The former is better because you can deal with the issue right then and there. The latter will be problematic. The only upside is that the rest of the team will now be aware and attentive to her behaviour toward you.
My friend has a boyfriend that I just don’t trust. He’s always staring at other women, commenting on women’s bodies when we’re out at night, and the way he wraps his arm around my friend’s neck gives me the creeps.
She’s totally into him because he’s gorgeous, has a killer body and a huge Instagram following. He does these Get Ready With Me videos several nights a week, in which he starts off in his underwear, showing off his tight abs. Then he discusses his hair routine, his skin care, and decides which outfit to wear. I think it’s obnoxious, though he is super-hot.
But he’s just so into himself that I’m worried he’s just with her for now. He never features her in his GRWM videos, and only rarely posts a pic of her on his feed. What do you think?
Too Into Himself
You have every right to distrust this person, if it’s a gut feeling. I’m not dismissing that. And yes, it’s disrespectful to comment on other women when out with your girlfriend.
I’m not a lover of the neck wrap either. I find it controlling and also kind of creepy.
His GRWM videos aren’t unique; tons of people do them, from toddlers to seniors. It’s just an Instagram thing to gain followers – and everyone wants to increase their following in order to be verified.
He does sound egocentric, but that’s your description, and you have a negative slant on him. I get that you’re worried about your friend, so just be there for her, if he dumps her.
However, you mention how hot he is numerous times, so if you’re secretly harbouring a crush, don’t project your wish for them to break up just so you can swoop in. That would be a very unfriendly, unkind and uncool move.
FEEDBACK Regarding the young girl with seasonal allergies (May 26):
Reader #1 – “Are the girl and her family taking strict non-medicinal measures that might lower the amount of allergy medicine she needs? These include avoiding the outdoors and closing windows when pollen counts are higher; removing and laundering all clothing worn outdoors upon entering the house; showering immediately after coming in; changing A.C. and furnace filters often; changing bedding; dusting and vacuuming frequently; perhaps masking outdoors; and using a saline nasal rinse to clear pollens from the nose.
“In short, decrease her contact with pollens instead of ignoring it and then countering its effects with a drug.”
Reader #2 – “Most allergy meds, prescription or over the counter, contain lactose. This girl’s cramps might be due to lactose intolerance. I need to take the children’s liquid because it’s the only one that doesn’t contain lactose and is non drowsy.”