I'm male, living in Seoul, Korea, 29, leading a life of modern secular asceticism. I'm happy with this decision but I don't solicit others to it, nor believe I'm setting a moral example for anyone to follow. However, I do still seek friendship.

To avoid sending mixed messages, whenever someone seems inclined towards pursuing a "deeper" relationship, I state my position clearly.

It's difficult to get people to take my decision seriously. They assume that I'm in denial, or that I'll end up dying alone and unhappy, having led an unfulfilling life. It's a calculated risk I accept. Others have said that I'm emotionally or spiritually stunted or undeveloped. I dismiss these comments.

Due to recent separation from my old social circle for vocational reasons, I occasionally find myself alarmingly alone. My lifestyle isn't conducive to making new friends (I don't enjoy drinking, nor loud music; my hobbies don't require group collaboration). So I end up dining out or going to social events by myself, which I find slightly embarrassing.

Do you think the "nay-sayers" were right and that romantic pair-bonding is quintessential? If not, what would be the most constructive way to handle this sudden social bereavement? (I can't undertake the responsibility of owning a pet).

Alone

When you ask a relationship advisor whether love is important, I know you're self-questioning more than seeking definitive answers. Through asceticism, you've chosen to minimize some of the effects of modern excesses and habits (though you don't specify which ones other than alcohol). You've recognized that there's no need to isolate yourself from friendship. There's also no rule that says love is forbidden.

There may be a society of like-minded thinkers/seekers accessible through an Internet search; you can also meet potential friends and dates through taking a course, say, in philosophy, or a new language, etc.

Be open to discussing your motivation and goals - and how to integrate them into a relationship -when you meet someone who's interested.

I became a widower two years ago and am finding the loneliness very difficult. I'm not interested in dating, yet. My many friends all have families, or are in couples. They try to include me, but I'm respectful that they have their own lives. Besides, I often feel like a fifth wheel.

My family is geographically distanced so I can't depend on them for support.

Hopeful

Start with your own network: Invite a group of friends to your place for a barbeque, or out for brunch, to indicate your sociability. When you're the host, you're not an "extra." When you do the treating just once, the others will invite you back whole-heartedly.

Broaden your contacts by joining a community centre, bridge or book club, film society, etc. - whatever engages you. Volunteering is another great way to expand your circle, and contribute to others' need for companionship, too.

I'm 17, was in a seven-month relationship with this really sweet guy. I still have feelings for him and want him back, but things keep coming up and I don't know how to make it happen.

Eager

It will NOT happen by wishing. If you ended it badly, contact him and apologize. If he ended it, and you want him to re-consider, say so. "Things keep coming up," sounds like an excuse to cover lack of self-confidence, or flightiness on your part. If you want something, you have to make an effort. You also have to be prepared to accept if it's simply over.

FEEDBACK Regarding your June 28 column, posing the question to readers, "Where do Step-parents fit?" when it comes to children's weddings:

Reader - "My husband separated when his girls were five and ten. When I met him, his ex had remarried but my husband continued to be in his daughter's lives. When his eldest daughter was getting married, she told me she was planning to have her stepfather of 10 years walk her down the aisle.

"I was saddened for my husband, and expressed this to her. So this remarkable young woman went away and returned with a brilliant resolution. On her wedding day, my husband was by her side as she started that walk up the aisle. Symbolically, halfway, my husband kissed her on the cheek and turned her over to her stepfather who continued the walk the rest of way to the waiting groom. Family harmony was assured."