When I was 18, I got pregnant. The guy had nothing to do with me during the pregnancy or after, when I had my son. I didn’t put his name on any documents and have had nothing to do with him since.

When my son was age three, I met a wonderful guy who stepped in and became Dad. We since have married, and have two other boys. My son’s now 12, and has known my husband as Dad. We’ve never told him any differently.

He does have my maiden last name, and has never questioned it. I don’t want to hurt him, but also don’t want to lie to him.

Should I tell him his dad isn’t his biological dad? When do I know it’s the right time in his life to tell him this?

Torn

Several hot buttons will be pushed during this revelation – and YES, you must soon tell your son the truth - but first you need to be prepared for everyone’s reaction, including your own.

Adolescence is a very sensitive time for young people, with sexuality emerging as a curiosity and interest, often accompanied by judgmental attitudes as emerging teenagers test the values they’ve learned.

Only you know what level of maturity and tolerance your son has reached. It may be too soon to tell him this unsettling news… but then again, there will be others who know, and he’ll eventually hear or ask questions about his different last name.

You and your husband should seek a professional counselor who’ll not only guide you both as to how to tell your son and when, but also be able to help him handle the information. He may rebel; he may ask to meet his biological father. You’ll need to be prepared for these possibilities and think through ahead how best to respond.

My sister and her husband both work full time and earn just enough to pay their mortgage and bills, put their kids through school, and feed them. They live in an average home, and drive an average car. I know that they live paycheck to paycheck.

Her in-laws are planning their 50'th wedding anniversary - a catered party at a local restaurant for which they (the parents) were also going to pay $2500.00.

However, their other son has insisted that the parents shouldn’t be paying, and that it be a gift from himself and my sister's husband. This brother makes substantially more money than my sister’s family.

She’s furious that she and her husband weren’t even consulted. She’s also worried about how they’ll come up with the money, or, if they don't, that her family will be looked down on.

What should she do? (She thinks they can come up with $350-$400 to contribute). She also doesn’t know that I’m seeking your advice.

Expensive Offer

Her husband has to speak up: “Hey, nice gesture, but you know we don’t have that available cash. Here’s $400. It’s the maximum I can contribute.”

Your sister could offer to bake some of the desserts, write the invitations, gather photos for display… anything to show she wants to help in ways she can.

And you could help her. Rather than focus on supporting her anger at her brother-in-law (something I detect in your email, but can only cause divisions in her husband’s family), think of ways you can contribute with her to this significant celebration in her in-laws’ life.

It’ll look good on both of you.

My girlfriend of three years left me four months ago for my good friend. I was planning on spending my life with her.

I’ve tried to move on, but am still deeply in love with her, and have become depressed. I can't focus on anything including my graduating year in university.

We still call and text each other every two weeks. Part of me wants to win her back.

Still in Shock

Loss of a relationship always takes time to heal, more so when there’s rejection (hers) and betrayal (he’s NOT a good friend).

But unrealistic schemes to win her back only prolong the hurt. Stop all contact, and put your mind onto school. Losing your year over this is self-defeating.

Fight depression before it deepens. Be pro-active and self-protective of your energy and emotional health. Get involved in fitness, sports activities, and an interest group… all areas that get you out, active, and with other people.