When do you know that you’ve met the right guy for you? I’d love to be in a relationship, but am confused.

I’m going into my late-teens, but I haven't dated yet because I’m too busy, and the guys I know are either younger than me or so immature.

Curious and Confused

Confusion starts to clear through experience.

Your being busy is a good thing – it means that you’re having a full life of school, activities, home responsibilities, etc.

And it’s helped you mature, so that you’ll be selective and not just date anyone who asks.

For now, the important questions about whom to date are these: Is he a guy I can trust not to take advantage of me? Is he someone whose ideas and behaviour I can respect?

If you date selectively through these next years, while also developing strong self-esteem, you’ll know when you meet the “right guy” for having a committed relationship.

Years ago, we gifted money to each grandchild to be used for future education. Some live in a State providing a plan covering four years of college.

Our oldest grandchild lives in that State, enrolled in only two courses, but didn’t finish.

Recently, I told my daughter that if he didn’t use the plan, his younger cousin could take it over for her schooling.

My son-in-law then called, screaming at me, calling me “a disgusting rich person” and stating that I’d sign over the college plan to him.

I hung up.

My daughter then thought I’d take away the college plans of all her children – never my intention, and I apologized for even mentioning it.

However, my oldest grandson had a difficult time in high school, since he has ADD.

He has ten years to use this college plan. Am I wrong to have said or thought as I did, that if he refuses to use this plan, someone else in my family could use it and avoid a huge debt for getting through college?

I’m still hoping this grandson will do something with college or career training, but it’s questionable.

He lived with us for a couple of years when he was a baby, so it’s not that we don't care about him.

However, in my daughter's family, I fear we’re now labeled the toxic parents/grandparents!

Also, my son-in-law has always had an explosive, nasty temper.

And what if our other grandchildren don’t want to use their "college" money to go to college – should we treat the money/accounts we set up for them as strictly a gift?

Confused Grandmother

Your idea about transferring the money to another grandchild was well-intentioned but needed more thought before you expressed it.

This is what you could’ve suggested: Your grandson clearly needs a boost for his future. If he can’t transfer the cash for other kinds of job-training, then either you leave it in place for more years to see what’s needed, or you give it to another grandchild and replace it with the same amount of money for other needs.

You can still say this to your daughter.

Her husband’s outburst was inexcusable. Try to maintain only a polite but distant relationship with him. And talk to a lawyer about ensuring that the money goes directly to your grandson’s, and the other grandchildren’s needs.

It’s the young people’s futures you care about.

So, your gift should be applicable to whatever bona fide education or career costs they can demonstrate are needed.

 

Dear Readers – I recently received a request from a woman, asking that I connect her with a man who’d written me (April 9 column) – he’s 68, she’s 70, and both had tried going to over-50’s single groups, hoping to find someone to date.

She wrote: “I look early-60s, love to golf, play tennis, I garden daily and play Bingo once weekly.”

Others have made similar kinds of requests, but my relationship advice work is not as a “matchmaker.” There are professionals who do that for a fee.

But I empathize with what she wrote: “There are so few places for people of our age to meet someone sincere and really looking for long-term companionship with common goals.”

I recommend to her and others in that situation to get out to community events, try www.meetup.com activities, pursue interests that take you to courses, gatherings, lectures, etc. where you meet new people. Make friends.