I’m attracted to a person at work; she’s asked me to take her to lunch a few times and I have. She once made a native dish of her country for a company event and she made some especially for me.    
      I buy her chocolates and things and usually leave it for her in the lunchroom refrigerator.     
      She’s nice and kind but will never write me an email without me writing her first. She’s also sometimes cold when others are around, but sometimes really nice. I don't know what the next steps are.
      - Unsure

Step 1) Find out if she’s single. If not, leave it at workplace pleasantries and forget the chocolates.    
      Step 2) Assume she’s interested, or she wouldn’t have initiated the lunches and brought the special food.     
      Step 3) Have another lunch together and ask her if she’d like to be friends outside of work. If yes, make a plan to have a casual dinner together.     
      Step 4) Go slow. It’s awkward if a workplace romance develops then fizzles, so be sure you’re both on the same page at each next phase.

I’m an East Indian man married five years with a young child. I immigrated here, was employed in a respectable position and was happy with my small family. But I feel love and passion is missing in my marriage.    
      My spouse isn’t sleeping with me and it’s me who takes initiative in expressing love and passion. She’s recently been cold and disengaged. She’s 30, with the sexual behaviour of someone age 70 – boring using the same old sexual positions and no intention to explore.     
      She laughingly dismisses my concerns. I’m losing interest in her and don’t want any interaction with her.     
      I know it’ll be hard on my daughter if we separate as I love her don’t want her to suffer because of this callous behaviour of my spouse.     
      I do have a female friend at work who has shown interest in me (she’s single and nine years younger). I’ve been rejecting her as I would like this marriage to work, but there seems no light ahead.     
      I’d like to go for DIVORCE. Your opinion?
      - In Turmoil

Your frustration and turmoil naturally have you in a dither of mixed messages: If you truly want to try to improve your marriage, forget your colleague’s interest and stop thinking “divorce” … for now.    
      Much depends on your wife and what’s turned her so cold. She, too, may be flattered by someone else’s attention; or her libido’s been affected (it sometimes happens after having a child, but can be treated); or she has sexual hang-ups you both need to understand and try to work on.    
      Explain your dilemma firmly; don’t accept any dismissal. Say frankly that you’re at the point of considering a separation, but believe you both owe it to your daughter and the marriage to get couples’ counselling and sexual therapy as well.    
      If you spend at least six months trying to resolve this impasse, you’ll gain certainty about what to do next.

I heard you recently answer a question in a public forum about whether love isn’t always some kind of “obsession.” Please repeat the answer you gave then.

Early love, especially in the infatuation stage, is sometimes obsessive, and may even be more about self-interest – the person’s neediness, the desire to possess the other, to win.     
      But lasting love is not obsessive. It’s a commitment. It takes hard work. It takes compromise. And it’s beautiful.

I’ve been dating a loving man since September; he’s been married more than four times. I’m 10 years older and that does not threaten him. However, he doesn’t want to get married just yet and I’m willing to wait until the appropriate time.     
      We’re in our 60s and 70s. Is it wise to continue this relationship or should I find someone closer to my age?  My body is starting to show my age and I’m afraid he’ll see that and I may be hurt by his reaction.
      - Body Issues

I doubt that at 60 this much-married man has no sign of life’s wear and gravity on his face or body. But my concern is more about emotions.     
      He’s stated his non-interest in marrying, so why are you rushing ahead with commitments to “wait for him,” especially when he’s a man who clearly moves on fairly easily?”     
      Protect your feelings by withholding hasty promises.