My husband of 20 years and I separated. Two months later, we decided to work on our marriage; he moved back home.      
      He’d cheated on me for six months prior to moving out and had moved in with the woman during our brief separation. I’ve forgiven him as I’d helped push him away.
      He’s trying to prove he can be trusted. However, she’s still contacting him through texts, phone calls, emails, calls at work. He’s constantly checking his cell phone when he’s here.    
      I’ve intercepted texts so I know she still wants him. I check his phone incessantly and am getting physically ill about this contact.      
      He says he hasn't seen her since and I believe him. She verified this in one of the texts I caught. He says if texting, etc., is what she needs to get over him, he’ll put up with it since he created the mess.    
      I’ve asked him to leave the phone off when he’s at home; he refuses.
      - Tormented

Either you trust him, or you don’t. But obsessing over this woman’s attempts to contact him can eventually push him away, again.    
      Instead, negotiate. His explanation of “cleaning up” his mess has been acceptable only for a brief period. The woman had an affair with a married man, he’s gone back to his wife - it’s over.    
      She needs to accept that and he needs to tell her so, or he’s holding out hope (even if unwittingly).

My fiancée and I are going to be married in a few months; we’ve known each other for three years – I’m 31, she’s 24. Her church denomination is more fundamentalist than mine, but we agree on how we’ll worship.    
      Initially, we approached her longtime family minister about performing the ceremony; she was a close friend with his children.     
      So it was a shock when he turned us down and did so cruelly.  He questioned me on my beliefs and when I was not in lockstep with his teachings (I don't believe Jews and un-baptized children go to Hell, he felt that they do), he urged her not to marry me.      
      My fiancée was in tears when we left. He later called her and again said not to marry me. We’ve since asked my family's minister to perform the wedding.      
      Yesterday, my fiancée got a letter from her minister’s wife. She said that they’d always hoped she’d marry one of their sons; his opposition to the wedding was based on keeping her available.    
      I want to file a complaint with the board of elders of his church. My fiancée’s conflicted; she doesn't want to hurt her friends. But I wonder how many other people he’s hurt and will hurt with his actions. What should we do?
      - Uncertain

You both have valid perspectives on this – hers is more personal, yours is community-based. It’s an opportunity to practice your couple skills at finding solutions that can satisfy you both.     
      Example: Though the minister’s tactic was completely wrong and insulting, it was specific to this situation, not likely to arise with other members of the congregation. You could focus on your wedding plans and simply avoid him.    
      HOWEVER, if there’s any further negative behaviour from him, now or even after you marry, then he’s abusing his position and your fiancée can feel more comfortable with both of you alerting the elders.    
      Meanwhile, you should both report the minister’s actions to her family. That way, if you eventually speak to the elders, they’ll know why.

FEEDBACK Here's a readers answer on how to make sure a wedding is "adults only."     
      Reader - "Some people question how to insure an adult-only wedding celebration. My husband and I printed 'adults-only' on our wedding invitations, but also went a step further.     
      "On the envelope, we wrote only the names of those invited. On the RSVP cards we wrote: 'We have reserved ____ seats in your honour.' We then hand-wrote the number on each card.     
      "If the card said '2 seats' reserved, only 2 names were on the invitation and children, or other family members, weren’t included. Out of over 200 invitees, everyone got the message.    
      "Also, some brides love kids and don't mind being upstaged at the ceremony by the flower girl. But I'm not one of those brides.    
      "If you know yourself and know that your day will be spoiled if a child upstages you (unintentionally, of course) there's nothing wrong with telling people outright that you prefer an adult ceremony/reception and sticking to it."